Ariadne came into my life after I was done healing. It has taken me some time to begin to tell this tale, because the hurt is still so fresh. Wounds of the heart do heal slowly....
Ariadne was my college roommate. We we paired together because our questionnaires were IDENTICAL. We had everything in common: music, movies, sleeping habits, food, majors, everything. It was absolutely uncanny. We were fast friends, of course. Over time, I joined the "Christian Fellowship," and it placed a giant rift in our friendship. After I finally realized I needed out, we were able to temporarily bridge the distance between us.
We had an apartment together, and we rebuilt our friendship without much influence from the outside world. When I found myself pregnant with my first child, there was much damage done to our friendship again. I eventually had to move out before the lease was up and move back in with my parents. She sued me for my half of the rest of the lease, and we parted ways in 1999.
After my son was born, his father and I moved away from our hometown. We ended up in the same city as Ariadne. She looked me up one day and we visited, but only briefly. Then, I didn't hear from her again for five years...
In 2005, I got a letter in the mail from her, wondering if I was still at this address and asking me to contact her. I sent her an email immediately for she had been on my mind frequently at that time. We set up a rendezvous for both of our, surprisingly, favorite spot. We spent hours together enjoying each other's thoughts and energies. It was wonderful. We met again, and that is when I petitioned her for more. She agreed, saying that she thought it would be a good idea...and for a long while, it was.
The three of us meshed well, until the jealousy kicked in. Now, Ariadne has never been known for her self confidence, or for her self esteem for that matter, but she was really hit hard by my husband's wandering eye. Do not read into that statement. The only thing that wandered was his eye, and he always shared his appreciation for all things female with us. Ariadne always seemed to feel a need to compare herself to any woman he found attractive, and she always found herself coming up short. Many evenings were wasted on tears and long, unnessecary ego-stroking conversations. It could be gruelling, but we always did the work because we loved her.
Looking back, I can see that she wanted the same things that Arachne wanted: she wanted to be someones one and only, she wanted to be the only beautiful thing that mattered, and she wanted a permanent relationship. All these things and more we tried to offer her in our own way, but they were never quite they way she had envisioned them. our life together became more than she bargained for, and sadly, it finally became too much for her to bear.
Shortly before she reached her breaking point, I asked her what I could do to make her happy, and her answer was nothing. I have known in my hear that I was not enough for her, and it hurt deeply to watch her come to the same realization. I love her enough to let her go.
Her treatment of me is as you would expect from someone who thinks I left her on the island, used, alone and helpless. But the hope of her Dionysus, will it be enough to carry her through? I want nothing short of her happiness. That is what we all want for those we love the most. If she must hate me for a time, I understand, though I miss my best friend most of all. I can only pray that the future will cross our paths again when she is ready for the next phase of our friendship, though I really think it is so much more than that even still. I think time will heal her and bring her back to me more whole. After all, she came back to me once before. Who's to say she will not come back to me again...?
