Idunna came to tell me to stop feeling guilty and worrying so much about things that are out of my control. I did a lot for a lot of people in the past year, and it is not my burden to bear when help is not taken in the manner in which it is given. You can't make people heal. You can't solve anyone's problems. I did my best with what I had and that is all that anyone can honestly expect from me. Yes, I have made mistakes, but don't wallow in them; learn from them.
I asked her why I am so sad, if I have done good works for others? I asked her why I feel so abandoned? I even had the nerve to ask her where yhey (the Gods) had been during all of this, and why it took them so long to do anything?
She paused and said, "42."
Why do all the Deities in my life think they are hilarious?
"Seriously," she said. 'Because just like help from humans, people do not always take what We give them."
"What about the children?"
"They have lessons and wisdom to gain from all of this. All things that happen to you can be used later for the benefit of others."
"That's not very comforting."
"Do you really want to know these answers?" --this is a trick question. Apparently, you are supposed to say, "no."
"We Gods, as you call us, find ourselves oftentimes waiting for you. Sometimes, we help without being asked because we are with you and will do our best to protect you. Sometimes, you didn't know you were in need of help. But sometimes, we help because we can see what needs to be done and are tired of waiting for you to ask. You ask why you feel abandoned. When was the last time to you came to me, or any of your other Gods? It's alright. I know you have been with Freyja. You needed to learn to fight. I think if you look, really look, you will see that more often than not, the thing holding you back is you."--ignoring this 2X4 for now.
"But those children--"
"Are with Frigga. Do you not trust her to care for them, no matter where they are? Is that not why you dedicated someone else's children to her." --Apparently, this is usually not cool.
"You did everything you could think of in your power to help them. Let us do our part, as well."
"I have one more question, but you may not have the answer."
"Mannanan mac Lir came to help those children. Frigga practically told me she was taking them. Freyja stood beside me and gave me strength and endurance. You have brought me healing. Where are my Olympians?"
"You have said yourself that you sensed them moving further away from you. You have spent eight years with them, yes? Perhaps there are others from whom you need to learn right now. Besides, I think you know whom they are with right now. I hear you have taken up the amber?"
"Yes, funny you mention that. Is it always--"
"Yes. You'll get used to it in time. Not everyone can wear the amber, you know. I suspect you will have no problems."
"I'll do my best."
"Ok, now get to work. Stop worrying and stop wallowing in your over-active empathy. And come visit. You know what they say. An apple a day..."
And she was gone.
Ok, I do feel better. I have a lot to think about and a lot for which I should spend more time being grateful. I am not pleased with my recent trend towards giving in to negative emotions, but I have been so drained that I let my guard down. Hail Idunna for snapping me out of this!