Tuesday, September 28, 2010

On comfort, or rather, the lack thereof

I wanted to be able to write about a wonderful ritual to honor Persephone as she returns to her throne. But I am ashamed to say I didn't perform one. I've been avoiding a lot of things recently, and it has finally spilled over into my spiritual life.


I found myself listening to the Christian music station in the car yesterday morning, and that is when it hit me. My problem is not that my trials and such are too big. My problem is that I have not found an avenue for comfort along the pagan pathways. My support network is barely supportive, and the last several times I went to the Gods, I opened the gates and found myself with nothing to say. I am empty, and I have nothing left to give. As I sat there alone in my car listening to the immense amount of love and comfort the Christians receive from their God, my eyes welled up with tears, because there isn't anything like this in my life anymore.


I know not all things from my early religious days will be replaced by some wonderful and perfect, pagan-themed equivalent. However, much like prayer, I don't see any reason why comfort should belong to the Christians alone. Prayer is for all Gods. Comfort is for all people. Some pagans call it "healing" or "energy work" or "positive vibes," but I miss the notion of pure, unadulterated emotional comfort.


I went in search (on the internet) of music, because I relate almost all things to music, and I found a lot of good songs! I found songs about many of the Deities I honor, songs about nature, songs about the Earth Mother, songs about general themes of Neopagan High Days, songs of humor, songs of worship and praise, and musical versions of more myths than I can count—but there is a big whole where songs about the love the Gods offer back to us are supposed to be.


Since I cannot find an equivalent for comfort music, I suppose I will have to continue to write. I have written a song or two about calling on the Gods for aid in our times of need, but my aim this time is not necessarily for divine help or to remind folks that prayer is an option. My aim is to show that Our Gods can offer us love and comfort, too. It might seem like a "Christian carry-over" as I have been accused many times, but we all have to walk our own paths and make our own decisions regarding our relationships with Deity. For me, my relationships are full of love and devotion. Not many pagans admit to loving their Gods, but I love mine. I make no apologies for that. And I fully believe they love me in return. I make no apologies for that, either.


I live in a World Full of Gods, and many Gods offer many helping hands.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Fall Equinox with the Cranes

 Three Cranes Grove held our Anniversary rite today, celebrating our 9th Fall Equinox and closing our 8th full year as a Grove. The Deity of the Occasion was Teutates, the God of the Tribe, and I had the honor of serving as Bard for this rite. I called to Ogmios as Bardic Deity for inspiration, and the words that came out were not close to what I had intended. His presence was with me throughout the rite, and I am really enjoying working with him. It's nice to be developing a relationship with a Celtic Deity. I've previously been rather distant from the hearth cutlure in general.

Overall, the rite went very well. It was a little distracting to have the kids with me, and I am eternally grateful to some of my grovemates for keeping Timmy entertained and safe while I served the folk. Omens were good, and a lot of folks left with very positive feelings. We even got a couple of emails from some folks who are not currently members but wanted to thank us for the experience.

I didn't get much from the rite personally, but I never do when I have my kids with me. I can't (and shouldn't) allow myself to dissociate when I am in charge of them. I am having a hard time with this, because I know it is good for them to be there even though they don't really participate, but in addition to leaving without "getting my ritual fix," I end up "being at work," and I always need help, which kinda bothers me.

Anyway, it was a good rite, and I am pleased with the role I played in it.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

And so we begin...

Clinicals, that is. My rotation starts tomorrow. Well, today. I am in the middle of a twelve-hour shift after which I will go downstairs to the Toxicology lab for an additional eight hours of free work--a whopping total of twenty hours at work. And I get to do this every other Tuesday for the next ten weeks! The difficulties that come with lack of sleep will be far worth it come December when this is all behind me. I will finish up just before Thanksgiving, leaving me a rather nice and lengthy holiday break.

I have already begun the countdown to March, when I graduate in absentia from the University of Cincinnati. If I can just make it through clinicals, haha.