Sunday, April 25, 2010

Grove-Only Beltaine

Last night, I had the privilege of attending the Beltaine rite that chronarchy wrote for his Lit Practicum 2 CTP3 requirement. He continues to be an innovative liturgist, and the rite went very well! (I'll be sending you some comments in email form, Mike.) We were inside due to rain, and I would have liked to see the gate opening as it was written, but I'll let him give you the details. :)

By way of personal reflection, I want my Crane-kin to know that this rite was, for me, more healing than you can know. When we passed the flame around the altar, I literally felt the wall of disconnect that has been plaguing me crumbling around me, and for the first time in months, it felt like home again. Heh, and that was before you guys gave me a present. :)

I was given a token from the Grove in honor of my passing the DP. Well, my completion anniversary was last week, so close enough. :) It's beautiful, and I am still feeling the "warm fuzzies."

I also really enjoyed playing guitar with folk participation for the Waters. It makes my spirit soar to play music in ritual space, and last night was one of the best examples of that. I look forward to leading Traci's song at Beltaine this weekend!

I played my new song as an offering (which reminds me, I've not posted it here), and I received some good feedback, including "Gaia Consort-worthy." Why do you guys love me so much? I must have been very good in a previous life. I love you, too--very much!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Still Thinking...

Heh, I really should be doing homework right now, but my mind is racing.

There are questions in my mind that need careful consideration right now. I can almost feel the path beneath my feet moving and shifting. I also keep staring off into space, sometimes for an entire minute, lost in my thoughts and musings on possibilities for the future.

How do you decide what images in your mind are what you want and what images are where you are destined? Does it matter? If what you wanted isn't that for which you are destined, cannot you change your destiny by working toward your wants as goals? Then again, sometimes NOT getting what you want can be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

I spent some time reading the ADF by-laws and such today. Good Kindred be blessed, I love this organization. My heart aches for its health and growth and for positive light to be shed upon all its factions. I am starting to understand more clearly why people give so much of themselve so freely--and I can't imagine why they wouldn't be doing just as they are.

Still thinking...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Post-Trillium Bardic Inspiration

I bet your are probably expecting a festival review, yes? There were good workshops, good friends, a very special man, and more food for thought that I can digest in one sitting. I will say that I am both excessively proud and humbled at the same time--a very interesting internal dichotomy, if you've never experienced it.

Much of the weekend has lead up to bardic motivation, and I am currently writing a song for Freyja. For those of you who work with Freyja, you know where she can sometimes lead your thoughts. So, in an effort to have "those thoughts" out of the way so I can praise her in an appropriate (and more G-rated manner), I am posting this here. Disclaimers? This is an unrevised draft, and the minion in my pen made me do it.

Freyja, turn me down tonight
Cool this heat that burns inside
Freyja, grant control, my love,
O'er lust I can't abide!

The soft and sensual touches
Oh ,so hauntingly recalled
Intoxicating imprints
That yield my flesh enthralled

Lustful thoughts possess my mind
Please grant me one night’s rest
Keep at bay those memories of
His lips upon my breast!

Freyja, turn me down tonight
Remove him from my head
But if you won’t, Freyja, my love,
Turn my thoughts to you instead

Sea-Bright Freyja, Brising-magic Lady,
Instructor of Seidhr and foresight,
Vanadis Woman, beholden to none
Maiden of battle and might

Your words, like warm honey spill forth from your lips
To linger and tease at my ear
Your lips, a deep crimson and wet with sweet dew
Kiss away all my prudence and fear

Awakening passions stir slowly in time
with the beat of your heart through my veins
Sunset-red locks, cascading, they fall
To dance round your curves, oh so fain

The rise of your breast with the breath through your lips
The fall of your gaze as I stare
Then slowly, so slowly, you raise up your hands
Rendering flesh newly bared…

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Musical Shenanigans!

Friday night, we played our rescheduled gig at Donerick's, where Jason blew my PA head a few weeks ago. And it was amazing!

Helen was in town for the weekend, and she sang the first five songs with me. I cannot even begin to express to you the joy that is singing with Helen. Harmonies are a gift from the Gods, to be sure, and I could almost feel myself surrounded by the host of Musai as we sang and disappeared into our musical oblivion. I haven't achieved this musical state of bliss in ages, and this, THIS is what I have been missing--that freedom gained from a total abandon into the music; to reach that state where you aren't playing the song anymore, the song is playing you. (It has occurred to me, also, that this is ecstatic trance. Please refrain from the beginning the usually obligatory "I told you so" montage.)

After Helen left, I played a couple more, and then we moved into the rotation, some mine, some Jeremy's, some duets, etc. I played quite a bit after the set break, since Jeremy's voice isn't yet strong enough to sing for more than one or two hours. I was able to fill a number of requests, which made me excessively happy. Honestly, I was surprised to have folks making requests. After the last show we played, I had resigned myself to being "ignored background noise," at best, but the patrons actually enjoyed us. They were attentive and free with applause and praise. Heh, I even left with two phone numbers (and the men didn't get any). There is also something to be said about playing well and KNOWING that you played well. I heard a voice coming out the speakers that was both pleasing and emotive, and that voice, so fortunately, belonged to me.

But I wax poetically...

I feel like my batteries were recharged, like whatever was broken inside of me has been fixed. I was comfortable in front of the mic again. Let's see if this holds true at Trillium's bardic circle. Playing for pagans is still a big challenge for me, and I haven't yet identified the root of this issue. I can play for four hours for a bar full of friends and strangers, but two songs in front of a room full of pagans can almost shut me down. What is it about you guys that is so intimidating as to almost shred my self-confidence?

On a lighter and even more personal note, it is the birthday of someone important to me today. Though there is much distance between us, I hope he knows that I thought of him and sent him much happiness and love today. Happy Birthday, A. May all your birthday wishes come true.