Compassion Through Imagination

Not all of us are great scholars or even interested in scholarly pursuits. Most of us want to do our work, do it well enough to finish the day with a sense of peace, and go home to our loved ones where we are the masters of our domain, pursuing our own delights and catering to our own whims. During this time of autonomy, we often turn to reading or watching television as favored pastimes.  Our favorite books and shows wash over us, sweeping us into their stories as the reality of our own world floats away. During these times, when we are engrossed in the dialogue and nonverbal communication, we assess and make sense of the situation, even anticipating what may come next and preparing ourselves to react. We find delight in guessing correctly what turn the story will take and equally enjoy being surprised by an unexpected plot twist. As we go deeper into the story, we find ourselves relating to one of the characters and even imagine the entire story from their point of view. It’s as though we have become Hermione Granger, Naruto, or T’Challa (Wakanda Forever!). 

This deep connection is only possible because of our ability to imagine ourselves in the story. Our connection to ourselves expands to include the thoughts, feelings, and outcomes of the character. When we engage in this practice with the intention to connect and be changed by the story, we are making this time, this practice, sacred. Sacred, while typically reserved for items related to religion, means to set something apart with reverence and respect. We all have things in our lives that we have marked as sacred: our family, our heirloom Bible or Quran passed down from our grandmother, our grandfather’s pipe, our baby pictures of our grown children (from the time before digital photography), and so on. These things are sacred to us because we have made them so. The same is true of our experiences, lived or shared vicariously from others.

Engaging purposefully in this practice—watching or reading with the intention of allowing the content to move and to change us—engages our imagination in a sacred way.  We rejoice when great things happen to us in the mind of that persona, we despair with them in their grief, we laugh, we cry, and above all, we are moved by how it must feel to be them in each moment. The word for this connection in which we possess a deep understanding of how it must feel to be in another’s shoes is empathy. It is our sacred imagination that allows us to empathize with the characters, and this is an important practice we can use in our personal lives to enrich our relationships.

Sometimes, self-reflection uncovers areas where our ideals are higher than our humanity (our bar is set too high), and we must get back in touch. Imagine the connection you have with a friend or a coworker or even a customer or client. Imagine how it must feel to be where they are right now, in the middle of whatever they are going through, and embrace that feeling. From this point of view, we are better able to understand their actions, their reactions, and even their motivations. This act of empathizing with another is the very foundation that allows us to respond to them with compassion. When we take the time to understand how they are experiencing their situation, we are able to connect with them in ways that makes our time with them more sacred, more healing, and more effective.

The most powerful way to connect with another human being is through understanding them in a way that helps us to grow together toward a better mutual outcome. That is the very essence of compassionate collaboration and will strengthen our families, our teams, and our community relationships.

• Stepping into someone else’s shows as a sacred act allows us to collaborate with compassion.
• Where do you see relationships that will benefit from more compassion?
• Where do you see opportunities to help others understand your own journey in a mutually respectful way?

The Quest for Authenticity

The journey of self-exploration is really a personal quest to know ourselves well enough to be authentically who we are in every aspect of our lives. Finding our steady state of self, the place we are most comfortable being who we are, requires taking full stock of our wants, needs, passions, goals, purpose, and reactions to stimuli (good and bad), We must have a “you are here” point on our map that truly represents us in our entirety. Then, we can take this map with us out into the world of new situations, people, and experiences to help us chart our way back to that place, the very center of who we are at our core.

Some common “hiccups” for being your authentic self in more professional spaces can be addressed but some are actually boundaries we put in place for healthy reasons. Professionalism, especially concerning direct reports and power dynamics, dictates some personal information is kept private. We don’t owe our superiors our life stories any more than our direct reports owe us theirs. While sharing bits and pieces of who we are creates a sense of belonging and builds trust, there are parts of our lives that are inappropriate to share at work. On the other hand, not all work environments are healthy enough for us to share things about us that are normalized in other spaces. For example, a person who is under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella may hide the fact that they have a same-sex or queer partner (or multiple partners) because the heteronormative views of their coworkers include statements that show a negative bias against other orientations. In this instance, a polite distance and lack of personal details provides a safety factor, whether emotional, social, or worse, physical. True threats to the body are not common in more “white collar” industries, but the reputational harm can place a glass ceiling in someone’s career path. The work here lies in knowing what and when (and with whom) we can share to find our way back to the center of our map. 

A useful tool for guiding us in plotting our course is to develop a personal code of ethics. A code of ethics guides our decision-making in both personal and professional settings. Most organizations have a code of ethics (it was probably given to you when you were hired or added to a volunteer team and likely readily available) which outlines behavioral expectations while in the workspace. Personal ethics, however, must be identified by us as individuals. Typical factors include religious/spiritual beliefs, morals, lessons learned from previous experiences, and our overall ideas for what we view as an ideal and just society. For some, it may be a simple list of ethical traits such as integrity, selflessness, honesty, loyalty, equity, respect, and/or empathy. For others, it may be a list of statements (with or without explanations). 

My personal code of ethics looks like this:

1. I will follow the morals and virtues I hold dear to aid me in making good decisions. I will “walk my talk” as consistently as possible, including doing what I say I will do and showing up when I say I will show up.
2. I will seek first to understand, acknowledging my personal biases when I become aware of them and working toward making amends when I have caused harm.
3. I give myself permission to be imperfect, and I will work toward repair and reconciliation for my mistakes and errors. 
4. I will strive to maintain boundaries as a free and independent person, acknowledging that those around me are also free and independent and deserving of those boundaries.
5. At work, I will maintain confidentiality with my peers, my coworkers, and those who report up through me to allow open dialogue and foster a speak-up culture. At home, I will maintain confidentiality with my family, my friends, and my congregants to ensure trust is earned and kept intact to the best of my abilities.
6. I will speak up about events or situations that have the potential to cause physical or psychological harm; I will contact the appropriate authorities when I am required to report a situation or event based on mandatory reporting laws.

Mine does not contain references to values such as integrity, compassion, or loyalty, though all three of these are very important to who I am and who I strive to be in the world. My code of ethics captures behaviors rather than concepts. The use of “I will” statements makes these feel like promises I am making myself and those around me regarding my behavior and how I show up. They speak to the way I move through the world and not simply what values I hold. A list of values alone does not lead to personal accountability and leaves more room for interpretation.

The easiest way to ensure you can follow the map back to your authentic self is to implement a personal code of ethics as your wayfinding principles. Know where your boundaries lie, why they are there, and what actions you can take to create safety and confidence in how you show up in your personal and professional spaces.

• Find your way back to your authentic self by following your code of ethics.
• Create your own code of ethics. Include all aspects of life such as work, home, church, social, etc.
• Where do you see opportunities to be a more authentic you?

Florilegia

 A dear friend sent me a copy of a book (that I actually already had on my wish list!) for Yule last year entitled, The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Actions into Spiritual Practices by Casper Ter Kuile. In this work, Ter Kuile calls the reader to "deepen [our] ordinary practices as intentional rituals that nurture connection and well-being." In other words, we are invited to deepen what we are already doing and make those actions sacred to add purpose and meaning to even the every-day things we do. 

This work was suggested to me for a number of reasons, I'm sure, and what immediately stood out before I began reading was how much this sentiment echoed the way my religious practices manifest themselves in my life. I find small reasons to pray throughout the day, take moments to reflect and offer blessings to the world around me, and speak words that matter rather than rattling off whatever comes to mind first in conversation with my family, friends, and coworkers. I try to live my life with intention and make my every effort one that fuels what drives me and continues to lead me to become a better person. That being said, some days I fail. But, as the Japanese proverb says, "Fall down seven times; get up eight." The best life I can live is one in which failure and shortcoming compels me to try again. 

Needless to say, I fell in love with the author and began listening to his podcast (along with cohost Vanessa Zoltan), Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. I was apprehensive, at first, because of the notable transphobia of the author of those books, and a very short amount of research set me at ease. None of the profits go to the author (since they are simply discussing the text and not quoting extensively, etc.), and the front page of the podcast has a visible declaration: Hate the author, love the books. While I do not condone hate, the sentiment was enough to help me return to curious and keep an open mind--especially because I have always loved Harry Potter! As my trans-child said to me on this very topic: The books are amazing and the author is trash; both of those can exist at the same time. (Haha! Thanks, polytheism. I love that we have a faith practice that teaches us to embrace the complex and multiplicities of truth rather than forcing us to choose between two polarized options. Also, also, I love that my kid threw my own teaching back at me when I was conflicted. Just heart).

It was in this podcast where I was introduced to the practice of Florilegia. A florilegium is a collection of literary extracts from either one or many sources that, when read together outside of their original context, will lead us to a new understanding. The practice comes to us from the 5th to 12th centuries through religious leaders who would collect short lines or phrases that stood out to them, sparklets, and used them in tandem to create new teachings and gain new understandings from sacred texts. This practice (along with several other very useful contemplative practices) is one of the exercises they use in each episode of the podcast to delve deeper into what meaning we can glean from this work. After all, any work that serves to guide us to deeper meaning and to evolve into a better version of ourselves may be treated and held as sacred!

All of this has led me to create my own journal of florilegium, a place where I write down my own sparklets from all the sources surrounding me in my daily life. From books to articles, from television shows to social media, I am recording those sparklets that stand out to see what wisdom may be gleaned in what is right before my eyes. In reading these short phrases and individual sentences without the context provided in the greater text, I am finding myself paying more attention to the individual turns of phrase and to my own use of words as I write. It is my hope that over time, there will be phrases I write or speak that will guide others to find new ways of becoming for themselves. That, as a creative person, is the highest praise I will receive for my work: knowing my words have impacted another in a way that touches their lives.

Core Value: Curiosity

Much of the discussions around curiosity as a concept center on using curiosity to combat or counteract the human tendency to judge things that are different. When faced with change, we typically list out everything that could go wrong if we adopt it.  Leadership and organizational culture theories call us to use our curiosity to create a sense of open willingness and acceptance to change.

Leadership resources point to “curious” as the neutral point on the mood elevator and asks us to at least remain curious when we are faced with change—in other words, to approach the change with a curious mind. When we look at curiosity as a value rather than a mindset, the conversation changes. Holding curiosity as a value leads us to engage not only our minds but also our hearts in this work. A curious mindset will ask for more information to help the seeker understand and adopt someone else’s idea, and curiosity as a value will lead the seeker down the path of creating their own ideas. The curious mindset is important for following, for working to adopt change, and for growing in the same direction as a collective; but the value of curiosity is the foundation of problem-solving, discovery, and innovation.

As we gain knowledge and experience in an area, we may easily become set in our ways. In a technical field like medical laboratory science, there is a finite amount of information we use on a regular basis. We know which chemicals are in which tubes, which tubes are required for which tests, which reagents go on which analyzer, which analyzer alarm requires which action, and which actions will yield the results we seek. We can perform all of this virtually on autopilot by the time we’ve done it a thousand times. Repetition, it seems, may be the death of our curiosity, and this is where many of us find ourselves after years in the field.

Bringing our curiosity to life again requires us to expand our boundaries, and it begins with wondering. We are good at wondering outside of our work environments. We may watch a flower bloom and wonder how it knew it was finally safe in the face of all the late snows. We might watch the snow falling on the mountains and find ourselves wondering how the storm can look so different depending on our elevation. We may be watching the slow construction of a new building on our route to work and wondering what it will be when it’s done. Our curiosity leads us to learn more, such as finding an article on high-elevation gardening or a video on mountain range weather patterns. We may even take a few minutes to drive past that construction site to read the “Coming soon!” sign we can’t quite see from the main road. When we are on our own time, we readily engage what inspires us.

Applying this to our work or long-term volunteer environments might seem less relevant, since most of us are not particularly inspired by our jobs. I offer that it is exactly our curiosity that can guide us to engage in our work with new eyes, to wonder what might be yielded from an unopened envelope or new intake/task. From here, we are poised to discover barriers, to seek new ways of doing things, and to look beyond the status quo to gain more consistent and successful outcomes in every aspect of our lives. Curiosity leads us to wonder if there is a better/easier/faster/more efficient way, guides us to research options, and compels us to try something new. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but curiosity is the mother of innovation when we hold it as a core value.  

Core Value: Be Here Now

“Be Here Now” comes to us from the modern Mindfulness movement, but the concept is much older than that. The origin of this ideal lies in the 1971 work of Ram Dass, an American yogi and spiritual teacher whose work focused heavily on spirituality, yoga, and meditation. In his book, Be Here Now, Dass describes his own journey from a PhD psychologist working out of Harvard to his spiritual awakening in India facilitated by Guru, Neem Karoli Baba.

While very few of us will embark upon such a journey, his story offers remarkable direction for how we can embrace our own lives with a “living faith in what is possible.” The Be Here Now concept readily lent itself to those who wanted to move beyond the limitations placed on them by others, and its adherents include Steve Jobs, Wayne Dyer, and George Harrison.

Since then, his meditation practices, associated with the foundational concepts of being present with the Now, fueled a movement we all know as “mindfulness.” Like Be Here Now, Mindfulness practices teach us to focus on the present moment, including our own feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, in an open awareness of what is going on around us. Mindfulness meditations guide the individual to focus inward, but the practice is not meant to stop there! The goal is to be able to focus our awareness onto a situation, including not only our own thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions, but also those of the other person.

When we Be Here Now with one another, we give them our undivided attention and actively listen to what they are saying. We focus on the individual, see their facial expressions, read their body posture, and meet them in their fear and concern with compassionate attention. We do this, because we also want to be heard and understood in this way when we others are attending to us. In order to foster this level of understanding, we must strive to speak clearly, such that we are saying what we mean and meaning what we say. We cannot speak in ways that expect others to read between the lines to grasp our true meaning.

Further, with the amount of technology and social media we use, the concept of speaking plainly and making clear points must be applied to our writing, as well. This careful attention to communication, both verbal and nonverbal, will allow us to truly understand the thoughts and feelings of those around us, whether they be coworkers or members, and lay the foundation of true compassion. 

Be Here Now calls each of us to be fully present with the person in front of us, to set aside distractions, and to actively listen and attend to their needs. Most of all, Be Here Now calls us to invest in what and who is in front of us and to give the best we have to offer to every situation.

Ram Dass. (1971). Be Here Now. San Cristobal, New Mexico: Lama Foundation.

“Be here now” is a core concept that challenges every one of us to give our undivided attention to our colleagues, friends, and family; to actively listen to understand,;and to speak and write clearly in a professional and direct way.

 

Empowering Others

The leadership ideal of empowering others, to make someone stronger and more confident, is a bit of a misnomer. Despite our best intentions, we cannot make someone stronger. We cannot make someone, well, anything. We can only create spaces where all the “someones” in our sphere of influence are able to find their strength and improve their confidence. This is no small feat, but there are some actions we can incorporate into our own behaviors to help create empowering spaces.

1. Showing Up. Being physically present may not always be possible, but the importance of people seeing us, particularly those of us with leadership positions, sends a powerful message. The more we are present with others, the less room there is for unrealistic ideas about who we are. Togetherness is grounding, and when those around us see us as real, tangible people, we become more relatable and approachable. We also have far more opportunities to lead by example. 
   
   
2. Engaging People. Engagement involves building relationships with all types of people—not just those who are most like us. When we limit our relationship-building to only those who think and act like us, we create cliques, discourage diversity, and suppress a speak-up culture. 
   
   
3. Helping Teammates. Helping our peers and those in our natural work groups leads to building community. A strong sense of community encourages the members to work together and collaborate more while discouraging the competitive mindsets that can tear teams apart.
   
   
4. Challenging Leaders. Sometimes, our leaders are wrong. It’s not because they are bad leaders. It’s just because they are people. Part of our humanity is our inherent nature to be imperfect. Sometimes, they don’t have all the information and make decisions that beg for adjusting. Sometimes, the pressure to move forward leads them to forget a stakeholder. Challenge decisions, ask for the why, and bring new information to the table as often as possible. And leaders: let yourself be challenged without taking it personally. Challenge helps us to grow.
   
   
5. Stretching People. The art of professional development involves allowing people to work on projects that are outside of their typical comfort zone. Doing it well involves also providing the tools and support they need, including the space to make mistakes and learn, without leaving them hung out to dry. Getting to know not only existing strengths but interests and potential will aid in ensuring we guide others to projects and endeavors that will broaden their experience without stretching them too thin.
   
   
6. Aligning Around a Mission or Common Goal/Purpose. Finding the passion and purpose of any group of people is one of the most important discoveries we can make as we seek to create and maintain empowering spaces. When we have a common goal, a sense of purpose that unites us, we can rally to that cause and obtain success as a group. Group cohesion and successful projects greatly increase the confidence of the individual members: “When WE did it, I was part of that we.”  
   
   
7. Let Go. The simplest and most effective way to help others to feel empowered is to let go of control. The act of empowering is allowing others to have control over their own situation. Be it work, social, or homelife, the easiest thing we can do to help others grow in strength and confidence is to let them make their own choices.

Empowerment is not an easy part of leadership, because empowering others is more about letting go and less about what you can do. We’ve all heard the saying, “If you give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” The old adage is true—but you have to let go of the pole and let him fish for himself. He might make mistakes like breaking the line, snagging some water plants, or losing the fish he was sure was in the net; and our job as leaders is to let him make those mistakes. Each will help him to grow in skill and confidence. You may occasionally be called to give him an extra line, but ultimately, the only way he can learn to feed himself is to be in control of his own learning process. That is empowerment. 

George. B. (2010). True North: Discover your authentic leadership. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Finding Yourself Again After the Kids are Grown

Raising children is a lot of work. From getting ready for school to meals to after school activities to homework to bedtime, there is not a lot of wiggle room in most schedules to find downtime as a family let alone for us as adults. Raising children in a pagan/polytheist household is even more work, because most of us have to provide our own religious education to our children. I used to covet the programs at other churches, especially the ones where someone qualified to work with children would whisk yours away so you could attend the adult services and feed your own spirit while they learned about faith practices. 

Sadly, most pagan groups do not have the capacity to provide childrens lessons even now, so most parents have three basic options: hold a separate service at home for each high day that is child-friendly, bring the kids to the adult high day and hope for the best, or leave the kids at home and attend the high day without them. I admit that I have done all three of these depending on what was happening in my life. As a single mom, I was very fortunate to have a series of groves within a day trip who fully supported me bringing my kids to our events and helping (sometimes A LOT) so I could sing.  As more families began attending our events, we were able to provide kid-specific content, but by this time, mine were quite a bit older than the others. This often left them as helpers, which was a lot of fun, though not entirely educational in terms of developing their religious path. Grove events were inherently social for them, and I am grateful they had this outlet. 

Most of the "education" I provided for them involved storytime and outdoor activities. We read all sorts of myths from a host of hearth cultures, sang songs, tried fun recipes, and took a lot of hikes. We would try to name birds and trees (which was easier when our grove naturalist came with us!) and often hold mini-rituals of offering while we were miles into some path in a metropark. It was pretty unstructured, and I know I could have done more, but I am at peace with what I showed them. I remember the first time we were in a park and they picked up trash unprompted. It had become such a routine part of our trips to the playground that they just began doing it--even now they can't walk by a can or wrapper without picking it up and placing it in a trashcan. They also had a hand in "shaming" some of our guests through recycling by example. My autistic son used to pick their soda cans out of the trash, place them into the recycling bin, and say, "you're welcome." I always told him "thank you" when he placed his recyclables in the correct bin, so he always said, "you're welcome" when placing items in. Even if his motivation was more "this is what we do with these types of items" instead of "we do this with these items because it's good for the Earth," his actions were consistent and resulted in positive change among those around him. 

But, I digress. This was supposed to be about me.

I was recently asked how I went about redefining my own spiritual path as my kids grew older, more independent, and eventually moved out of the house. At first, I didn't have a solid answer. Being pagan is a part of who I am, of how I move through the world, so when I was parenting, I was also paganing. Even now, when I am working, I am paganing. When I am socializing, I am paganing. When I am relaxing and taking time for myself, I am paganing then, too. For me, I was able to "redefine" myself by filling the time that freed up as they began entertaining themselves. Being a Bard and aspiring Initiate and Priest, it was easy to fill those gaps, because I knew what I wanted to do. I had goals! 

I guess that is my advice: set goals for yourself. The hardest part about having your kids out of the house, those little monsters who made a mess and ate all your food while they stole your heart, is filling the time once reserved for them. Kids require a tremendous amount of time and energy, and when that outlet is no longer there, our best way forward is to find other outlets. Your goal might be simple like trying three new things, or hard like learning to play an instrument. You may set a goal to finally get to that stack of books, to work on creating a new daily devotional that isn't kid-friendly, and so on. What do you want to do? As you work toward answering this question, the becoming and finding yourself will happen on its own.

If you don't have kids and are worried about how they will change your life, including your spiritual path, you can stop worrying. They will change everything, including your spiritual path. And it will be some of the best changes you've ever made.