Wednesday, September 27, 2023

Prayer for Compassion Fatigue

Prayer for Compassion Fatigue

 
Sadness, horror, rage, grief
Conflicting and complex, they blend together into building waves of increasing intensity
Washes over my senses, flooding my mind, drowning my thoughts
So far away, helplessness envelops me
So near to my heart, prayer seems like the least effective offering
And yet I pray
I have no words of comfort that will make a difference
I have no resources that will be more than a drop in the ocean of need
I have no actions that matter from where I sit in my comfortable home
And yet I pray
I pray for peace and an end to violence
I pray for understanding, cool heads, and warm hearts
I pray for healing and compassion
I pray and I pray and I pray
And numbness descends…
It feels like a curse preventing me from action
Does it not mean I do not care if I do not feel?
In the stillness that follows, I recognize the gift:
A respite from the sadness and horror and rage and grief
That I may rise again once more to find words, to share resources,
And to do what I can to bring about the changes we need in our world

[Image of water at night with text of above prayer]



Thursday, August 24, 2023

Summerland Recap 2023: At the Sacred Center

I had the privilege to attend the Summerland Festival in Yellow Springs, Ohio again this year, and it did not disappoint! After the "gastrointestinal devastation" of last year, we were ready for another chance to invest in community and reconnect with long-distance friends. 

Thursday night's festivities were momentarily interrupted by rain, but the fire in the pavilion and the good friends were enough to keep us warm. Opening ritual went well, and it felt wonderful to be in in-person ritual space with so many like-minded folks. We shared a meal and attended an adult-only workshop retelling the Egyptian creation myth, Set & Heru, which we thoroughly enjoyed. 

Friday began with Rev. William's presentation on the Virtue Buffet. Once again, his teachings hold value and practical tools for living a good life. I've seen this one three times now, and I learn something new every time. I also attended a workshop/sacred space time for embroidery as a form of meditation. As a non-sewer, I delighted in Rev. Jan Avende offering me some markers and coloring pages. Next, Rev. Michael J Dangler led a respectful discussion on performing magic and other workings with what is available and how to obtain reputable tools and ingredients of the trade.

Friday evening was Bardic Night! So much fun! Getting to sing with my people and listen to all the wonderful new works they've created since last we were together brings such joy to my heart. We have to many talented folks in our community! We finished the evening with drumming around the fire and late-night conversation.

After a very cold night's sleep, I presented my workshop on the Axial Awakening. This was the first attempt to present the information in one hour, and I definitely ran long. Overall, the content was well-received, and I am going to work on putting together a formal class. This one seems to have credit hours, lol.  Next came a presentation on Appalachian Folk Traditions and how those magical practices travel through the generations, which ones are common, and how blended traditions add and enhance them over time. Definitely an intro to a much bigger subject--just like mine! After lunch, a group of us got together in one of the unoccupied cabins to record some ritual music. Oh, my heart, what a treat! I am really looking forward to listening. Some of the pieces haven't been formally recorded before now.

The Main Ritual was lovely. Rev. Jan Avende led us in a service full of elements from the practices of each of the various traditions and variations represented by the folk present. We honored all that the Summerland festival, that that place, offers us, and lifted our voices to manifest those beautiful gifts with offerings and love. 

Saturday evening, we had the pleasure to dance to the musical trappings of Discarded Mischief. They were down their bass player and still put on a terrific show. They even covered one of my songs, and I got to sing with them (because I am that level of extra). It was honestly a beautiful gift, and I am grateful for their efforts in learning one of my songs. It wasn't done how I would have performed it, which made it even more special to hear. Songs are living, breathing things, and once we let them go, we have to let them evolve and grow into something more. I feel like this was one of those moments for the song, Awen Rains Down. We ended the night with smores around the fire and more conversation. 

It was sad to leave on Sunday, but the memories are rich with fellowship and community, and they will sustain us all until we meet again. 

Sunday, July 16, 2023

Of Course It Is: Loki's New Statue

I have been performing the workings in the Pagan Portals book, Loki: Trickster and Transformer. After deepening my connection with Sigyn, I wanted to intentionally build relationship with Loki, and it seemed the best way forward was through the guidance of those who have already done this work. Dagulf Loptson's work is proving to be meaningful, and I was even inspired to purchase a Loki statue. I did some internet searching and found a piece in the style of my Odin statue, which seems apropos. After getting delayed and arriving a little beat up, I opened the package to reveal a piece a little different than what I was expecting. Is it resin instead of wood? Yes, must've missed that in the description. Is is painted just-tacky-enough gold? Of course it is. How very Loki.

With the statue placed next to Odin, the bowl and the candle, the stone to carry their energy with me, and the devotional beads I strung together for prayer mantras, I seem to have created a full-blown devotee space for them. I do not feel compelled to actually devote myself to him, but I am finding peace and strength in adding this type of quick-witted energy to my life as well as the humble admission of fault and subsequent reparations. 

As my husband, Rev. William Ashton, says, ruptures happen. We all make mistakes. It is what you do to repair that is the mark of your character. May I also be the type of person who admits when I am wrong and does the work to make right what I can as I learn to do better in the future. 

Saturday, June 17, 2023

Holding the Bowl

Many years ago, I had a close friend who worked with Sigyn, wife of Loki and goddess of loyalty, compassion, and steadfastness. This level of exposure softened me to her story, since she is mentioned sparingly in the Eddas and Sagas, usually only known to those who are familiar with the tale of Loki's comeuppance after flyting the gods.  

In the Lokasenna, Loki proceeds to sling barbed commentary at the Asgardians in turn for various character flaws they each posses, which wreaks of Christian influence and a way to impart Christian ethics on a pagan culture. Nevertheless, at the end of the tale, the gods have turned one of his sons with Sigyn, Vali, into a wolf who kills his brother, Narvi. The gods use Narvi's entrails to bind Loki to a rock in Helheim beneath a serpent dripping venom on him. It is here he will remain until Ragnarok, suffering the punishment for his scathing commentary. Sigyn, his beloved, holds a bowl over his face to prevent the venom from touching him. The only drops that fall upon his flesh are those that fall in the moments it takes for her to empty the bowl and begin her labor of love anew in an endless cycle. 

Sigyn has been showing up for me for months, first in my studies, then in my internet searches for devotional works published by devotees of the gods. I have purchased a couple of books, but it wasn't until I "randomly" downloaded an audio copy of Lea Svendsen's work, Loki and Sigyn, that I fell headlong into a new relationship with Sigyn and Loki (a relationship with Sigyn comes with a side order of Loki whether you want one or not!). About halfway through the book, I tried to describe what I was learning to my husband, and I found myself in tears, in awe and inspired by the character and presence of Sigyn. After that, I knew I needed to connect more deeply with her. In their work, Svendsen describes a ritual for connecting with Sigyn in which the celebrant enters ritual space and holds Sigyn's bowl for a spell to allow her a reprieve from her labor of love. Today, I performed this ritual, and it is nothing short of powerful. 

I began with a short working described by Dagulf Loptson in his work, Loki: Trickster and Transformer, where the celebrant carves a bindrune into a candle. After making offerings, I lit the candle and sat in meditation while chanting, "I light the flame of Loki, both without me and within me." From there, I segued into Svendsen's ritual in which the celebrant calls to Sigyn and asks her to relinquish her bowl that we may hold it while she rests. I lit a charcoal and made offerings of mistletoe, wormwood, mugwort, and amber resin. While these burned before me, I poured a draught of wine into the bowl and held it aloft. I imagined the drops of poison collecting there, weighing the bowl down with time as it became heavier and heavier. After a while, Sigyn returned to smooth Loki's hair and offer comfort to her beloved. Before long, she took up her place holding the bowl to capture the drops that threaten her heart and held her vigil beside him in strength and love.

Holding a bowl of liquid, no matter how small, is difficult over time. The muscles in my shoulders and arms began to ache with the effort, and I became aware of how strong Sigyn must be to hold the bowl with such care and attentiveness, day in and day out, to protect her partner from the pain and agony of the venom. She is unwavering, never complaining, full of compassion, and full of love for her beloved. I am humbled by her efforts. 

I pulled a rune after this work and received Jera, harvest and cycles, which said to me "keep doing the work." So I have dedicated myself to holding the bowl. We shall see what becomes of this practice in love, compassion, and loyalty with a bonus lesson in not giving one ounce of care to what others think about it--a fine omen to begin building a deeper relationship with deities that are often viewed as controversial. 

I fear I have planned these next few writings out of order, but I am grateful to you for joining me in this journey. There is so much spinning in my mind I haven't coalesced into words! I offer these tidbits to help provide a bit of context for why in all the realms I have seemingly dove head-first into a pool of chaos: She is a goddess of all I described above and more, and her role as the Sacrificer begs to be explored in more depth and breadth (bet that got your attention!). According to Loptson and Svendsen, there is evidence that Loki may have once been a fire deity, a shadow of what we may envision when we consider Agni in the Vedic pantheon, and Sigyn is reverently holding the offerings aloft in her bowl to be poured into the fire. It is the Christianization of the northern myths and the idea that there MUST be an evil figure in their dualistic worldview that has led to Loki being the cognate of their Satan and all that comes with it. I am definitely intrigued by this idea and will be researching. 

For now, I leave you with a short prayer:

Lady Sigyn, she of the staying power, lady of loyalty and compassion,
We call to you this day.
Teach us the way of love, so deep it moves us to action.
Teach us the way of loyalty, so strong it bolsters our resolve.
Teach us the way of compassion,
So powerful that our labors do not become tainted with bitterness.
Lady Sigyn, Incantation-fetter, North Star and Loki's Joy, we honor you.


Sunday, June 4, 2023

The Untamed Earth Mother

Long ago, our histories, our stories were passed on through oral tradition. The people would gather around and listen intently to the great tales of myth and lore, especially when the weather was uninviting or threatening. Our peoples connected with what was and learned how to move into what will be with vision and wisdom through the examples of the Ancestors and the Deities of the tribes—through stories. Storytelling was the modality for learning. The primary listeners were children and the storytellers were most often the grandmothers. The children’s jobs were to learn and grow, taking in as much knowledge and gaining as much experience as possible. When they became parents, they made sure the children had safe places to learn and to grow and taught them to sit at the feet of the grandmothers and listen. As their children grew and became parents, they became the grandparents, and their job was to tell the grandchildren about all they had learned and experienced in a never-ending breath of life across the generations. 

 We grew up hearing the creation myth of our time: the story of Adam and Eve. Eve, who ate of the fruit of the land after listening to the council of a land serpent—a being who existed long before her new species evolved—and she was thrown out to make her living through toil and taking. This is a very different story than the narrative that lived in these mountains and plains before our ancestors came here and colonized them. The native peoples have their own creation myths, several of which have been lost or “Christianized” into variations of the Adam and Eve story. Today, I want to tell you about the Oneida tale of Sky Woman as I heard it from Robin Wall Kimmerer in her book, Braiding Sweetgrass. 

In the beginning, the Skyworld existed above the dark waters. One day, a hole appeared above the waters. It is through this hole at Skywoman fell, bringing the light with her, shining in her wake. Hurtling downward, she saw only dark water below, endless and roiling. But in that emptiness, there were many eyes gazing up at the sudden shaft of light created by her passing. From far beneath, these eyes saw a small object, a mere dust mote falling in the beam. As it grew closer, they could see that it was a woman, arms outstretched, long black hair billowing behind as she spiraled toward them. The geese nodded at one another and rose together from the water in a wave of goose music. She felt the beat of their wings as they flew beneath to break her fall. Far from the only home she’d ever known, she caught her breath at the warm embrace of soft feathers as they gently carried her downward. 

The geese could not hold the woman above the water for much longer, so they called a council to decide what to do. Resting on their wings, she saw them all gather: loons, otters, swans, beavers, fish of all kinds. A great turtle floated in their midst and offered his back for her to rest upon. Gratefully, she stepped from the goose wings onto the dome of his shell. The others understood that she needed land for her home and discussed how they might serve her need. The deep divers among them had heard of mud at the bottom of the water and agreed to go find some. Loon dove first, but the distance was too far and after a long while he surfaced with nothing to show for his efforts. One by one, the other animals offered to help—Otter, Beaver, Sturgeon—but the depth, the darkness, and the pressures were too great for even the strongest of swimmers. They returned gasping for air with their heads ringing. Some did not return at all. 

Soon only little Muskrat was left, the weakest diver of all. He volunteered to go while the others looked on doubtfully. His small legs flailed as he worked his way downward and he was gone a very long time. They waited and waited for him to return, fearing the worst for their relative, and, before long, a stream of bubbles rose with the small, limp body of the muskrat. He had given his life to aid this helpless human. But then the others noticed that his paw was tightly clenched and, when they opened it, there was a small handful of mud. Turtle said, “Here, put it on my back and I will hold it.” Skywoman bent and spread the mud with her hands across the shell of the turtle. Moved by the extraordinary gifts of the animals, she sang in thanksgiving and then began to dance, her feet caressing the earth. The land grew and grew as she danced her thanks, from the dab of mud on Turtle’s back until the whole earth was made. Not by Skywoman alone, but from the alchemy of all the animals’ gifts coupled with her deep gratitude. Together they formed what we know today as Turtle Island, our home. 

Like any good guest, Skywoman had not come empty-handed. A bundle was clutched in her hand. When she toppled from the hole in the Skyworld, she had reached out to grab onto the Tree of Life that grew there. In her grasp were branches—fruits and seeds of all kinds of plants. These she scattered onto the new ground and carefully tended each one until the world turned from brown to green. Sunlight streamed through the hole above the Skyworld, allowing the seeds to flourish. Wild grasses, flowers, trees, and medicines spread everywhere. And now the animals, too, had plenty to eat, and the bounty drew others to her, living together on Turtle Island. 

Sky Woman built a land for us with love and in harmony with those around her, a place for us to learn and live and grow and experience together. It was untamed and wild. Our modern tales tell us this wild “wilderness” is dangerous because it is untamed, but they do not know the grasses and streams. They do not know the trees and birds and rabbits and elk. They think all things untamed are unsafe. They think all things uncontrolled by human hands and human order are feral. When they hear untamed, they mean ungovernable, because taming is about power-over others. Sky Woman brought with her a handful of life-seeds from the Great World Tree itself to ensure those who came after her would live in abundance and receive the blessings of her work and love. 

I asked a group of people,  "How many of you are native Coloradans?" “Native” status is something those born here take very seriously, so much so that those born here have bumper stickers and t0shirts declaring their status as Colorado born-and-raised. How long have the rest of us been here? A year, a decade, a lifetime? As pagans, we do our best to be environmentally conscious. We strive to recycle and buy the greenest products and live outside capitalist ideals as much as we can in this day and age. But, we still consider ourselves guests in this land, as set apart, as outside of the land we inhabit.

Decolonizing ourselves has become a buzzword as a priority we hold dear, and I think we have lost our way. We treat ourselves as guests in this land, because it was stolen from the Indigenous Peoples who lived here before us (because it was). We tread lightly and speak words of apology and do the work of giving back to the precious few remaining indigenous tribal nations (which is important). AND, I am here to tell you that until we recognize that we, too, are part of this landscape; that we, too, are part of this habitat; that we, too, are members of this community of beings that make up the front range, we will continue to be throwing solutions into the wind to land like seeds upon asphalt and nothing will grow between us. 

We want to preserve the untamed and wild places by deeming them unsafe and feral while we stay within our walls of structure and order. The wild is “out there,” and we are civilized “in here.” I leave you with this: If we want to do the work to repair what was long ago broken, we must un-tame ourselves, not just decolonize our minds. We must un-tame our bodies and dance in the rain. We must un-tame our hearts and free our spirits to connect with the rest of native Colorado—because we are here, too. The only way out is through, and the only way forward is together.

Friday, May 5, 2023

Full Moon Blessings

 For years now, we have been hosting monthly full moon services, more than half of which have been done virtually. The keeping of sacred time is not one to be taken lightly, and even when we don't mark the passage of time, time passes nonetheless. 

The gift of the cadence of monthly services has helped me to find markers between high days to keep my heart open and ready. It has given me needed guidance from that which is hidden that I may serve the folk more fully in the celebration of that which is clear. 

In honor of the sacred timekeeper, I offer this prayer:

On this Full Moon night, we call out to you,
Sacred and Shining Moon,
Bright face of the starry night sky
Illuminating our paths through the unknown, and
Guiding us on our journeys.
Bring to fullness within us the cadence of cycles,
Even those small and unwavering.
Remind us of the passing, of the coming and going, 
Ebbing and flowing,
As reflected in the ebb and flow of Ocean upon the Land.
Heavenly Timekeeper, Sacred Moon,
Show us the way forward through the darkness
Toward what we need for the month ahead.
Sacred Moon, we honor you!

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

A Prayer to the Beings of Creativity

We call to those who bring us inspiration. 
As we seek to create, to bring into life new works of art, of song, of speech, of kitchen craft, 
We make offerings to you.
Inspire our minds with plans for our works.
Plant the seeds of songs and poems in our hearts.
Grant us ideas for writing, for speaking, for building.
Guide our senses to new tastes and scents,
And open our hearts to share what we have created
That we may share this joy with those around us. 
Hail to thee, bringers of Inspiration!
Hail to thee, guiders of intellect!
Hail to thee, whose strength and dexterity blesses our hands.
Beings of Creativity, we honor you.