Honoring Chaos

I am sure anyone who knows anything about Loki and has been keeping up with my newly defined relationship with he and Sigyn will not be surprised when I say there has been some chaos in my life these last few months. Honestly though, it is all stuff that needed to be shaken up in the first place, and I am grateful for the gift of perspective that came in the quiet before the proverbial storm. 

My first walk-in immunization season as the medical administrator was busy! We had our ups and downs, but overall, we ended well, and I learned a lot to help make sure next year goes more smoothly. 

Family chaos can mostly be attributed to having a toddler around and all the fun and "uh-ohs" that comes with it. My grandson is both a joy and a menace, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

We also had our annual retreat for the members of the Mother Grove, ADF's Board of Directors. I will write more about that later. It was a hard time of year to travel, but it was definitely worth it for what we achieved in that short amount of time. 

Here is a prayer I wrote to chaos in the thick of it last month. May the Spirits of Chaos be purposeful in the application of their craft!

Prayer to Chaos

In my rigidity, in my obstinance,
In the stubborn stick-to-it-ive-ness of my stance,
I call to the spirits of chaos and unpredictability
To aid in my quest for healthy flexibility.
I call to you to shake me up, to deviate my path.
I ask you to exchange my seriousness for a laugh.
When all else fails, I beg of you to open up my mind.
Please show me deep perspectives my rigidness leaves behind.
In our personal lives we seek order,
Believing this is to be the mortar
Keeping us from straying from the path we wish to tread.
But order without chaos leaves our inspiration dead.
Chaos, won’t you save me from a boring life of sameness.
Chaos, join me, help me melt into a mass that’s shapeless.
Only there may I be molded
Only there be better folded
Into the dough of life that bakes up nice
Flavorful ecstasy in every slice
Chaos, reign within, for just a little while.
At least enough my ordered mind to beguile.
And when the ordered-ness of me is taken full apart
Order, take the reins once more, the cycle to restart.
Spirits of Chaos, I honor you.

Holding Vigil - A Prayer

A dear friend of mine had a pretty big surgery, and while I was waiting and making offerings for their health and well-being, the following prayer came to me. I am pleased that everything went well and they are on the road to healing. 

Holding Vigil

Waiting, I kindle the Fire on my shrine, and touch incense to flame.
Watching the smoke from the offerings dance in the firelight,
I am reminded of all the times we danced and played,
The times we laughed and prayed,
The times we cried and mourned,
The times we celebrated and explored,
And I wait.
I wait for news from afar and send back the love we have shared these long years.
I have all the time in the world to give to wait and to pray for you.

[Image of a candle in a lantern with the above prayer on a black background]

Prayer to Saga for Inspiration

Prayer to Saga for Inspiration

By the stream of memory she dwells   

Saga of the Sinking Beach     

She of the Land of Flowing Waterfalls 

Seeress of Frigga’s Court  

She who drinks from the Golden Chalice  

Holding audience with Alfather  

Lady of Memory and History, we call to you     

Saga, we give you this gift and beseech you 

Allow us a draught from the Cup of Inspiration

Grant us a sip of your elixir that our words may be inspired

Guided by truth and wisdom

Pleasing to all who hear them

[Image of above text on black background with a triangle of drinking horns]

Prayer to Heimdalr

Heimdallr, Holy One; Hallinskihdi, Whitest As,
Keen-eared and sharp-eyed, biding on Bïfrost,
Gjallerhorn's holder, to you give praise
Son of Nine Mothers, by Fire and by Water,
Sire of Jarl's sons, Shining guardian,
Rune-shower Rigr, Hight Jötun bane
Great golden-toothed Turner of Hearths,
Unsleeping reed-giver who hears the wool grow
Well-known wise watcher, Warder of Asgard,
Heimdalr, we hail you!

[Image of a rainbow in the sky with the above prayer overlaid]

Prayer for Compassion Fatigue

Prayer for Compassion Fatigue

 
Sadness, horror, rage, grief
Conflicting and complex, they blend together into building waves of increasing intensity
Washes over my senses, flooding my mind, drowning my thoughts
So far away, helplessness envelops me
So near to my heart, prayer seems like the least effective offering
And yet I pray
I have no words of comfort that will make a difference
I have no resources that will be more than a drop in the ocean of need
I have no actions that matter from where I sit in my comfortable home
And yet I pray
I pray for peace and an end to violence
I pray for understanding, cool heads, and warm hearts
I pray for healing and compassion
I pray and I pray and I pray
And numbness descends…
It feels like a curse preventing me from action
Does it not mean I do not care if I do not feel?
In the stillness that follows, I recognize the gift:
A respite from the sadness and horror and rage and grief
That I may rise again once more to find words, to share resources,
And to do what I can to bring about the changes we need in our world

[Image of water at night with text of above prayer]

Summerland Recap 2023: At the Sacred Center

I had the privilege to attend the Summerland Festival in Yellow Springs, Ohio again this year, and it did not disappoint! After the "gastrointestinal devastation" of last year, we were ready for another chance to invest in community and reconnect with long-distance friends. 

Thursday night's festivities were momentarily interrupted by rain, but the fire in the pavilion and the good friends were enough to keep us warm. Opening ritual went well, and it felt wonderful to be in in-person ritual space with so many like-minded folks. We shared a meal and attended an adult-only workshop retelling the Egyptian creation myth, Set & Heru, which we thoroughly enjoyed. 

Friday began with Rev. William's presentation on the Virtue Buffet. Once again, his teachings hold value and practical tools for living a good life. I've seen this one three times now, and I learn something new every time. I also attended a workshop/sacred space time for embroidery as a form of meditation. As a non-sewer, I delighted in Rev. Jan Avende offering me some markers and coloring pages. Next, Rev. Michael J Dangler led a respectful discussion on performing magic and other workings with what is available and how to obtain reputable tools and ingredients of the trade.

Friday evening was Bardic Night! So much fun! Getting to sing with my people and listen to all the wonderful new works they've created since last we were together brings such joy to my heart. We have to many talented folks in our community! We finished the evening with drumming around the fire and late-night conversation.

After a very cold night's sleep, I presented my workshop on the Axial Awakening. This was the first attempt to present the information in one hour, and I definitely ran long. Overall, the content was well-received, and I am going to work on putting together a formal class. This one seems to have credit hours, lol.  Next came a presentation on Appalachian Folk Traditions and how those magical practices travel through the generations, which ones are common, and how blended traditions add and enhance them over time. Definitely an intro to a much bigger subject--just like mine! After lunch, a group of us got together in one of the unoccupied cabins to record some ritual music. Oh, my heart, what a treat! I am really looking forward to listening. Some of the pieces haven't been formally recorded before now.

The Main Ritual was lovely. Rev. Jan Avende led us in a service full of elements from the practices of each of the various traditions and variations represented by the folk present. We honored all that the Summerland festival, that that place, offers us, and lifted our voices to manifest those beautiful gifts with offerings and love. 

Saturday evening, we had the pleasure to dance to the musical trappings of Discarded Mischief. They were down their bass player and still put on a terrific show. They even covered one of my songs, and I got to sing with them (because I am that level of extra). It was honestly a beautiful gift, and I am grateful for their efforts in learning one of my songs. It wasn't done how I would have performed it, which made it even more special to hear. Songs are living, breathing things, and once we let them go, we have to let them evolve and grow into something more. I feel like this was one of those moments for the song, Awen Rains Down. We ended the night with smores around the fire and more conversation. 

It was sad to leave on Sunday, but the memories are rich with fellowship and community, and they will sustain us all until we meet again. 

Of Course It Is: Loki's New Statue

I have been performing the workings in the Pagan Portals book, Loki: Trickster and Transformer. After deepening my connection with Sigyn, I wanted to intentionally build relationship with Loki, and it seemed the best way forward was through the guidance of those who have already done this work. Dagulf Loptson's work is proving to be meaningful, and I was even inspired to purchase a Loki statue. I did some internet searching and found a piece in the style of my Odin statue, which seems apropos. After getting delayed and arriving a little beat up, I opened the package to reveal a piece a little different than what I was expecting. Is it resin instead of wood? Yes, must've missed that in the description. Is is painted just-tacky-enough gold? Of course it is. How very Loki.

With the statue placed next to Odin, the bowl and the candle, the stone to carry their energy with me, and the devotional beads I strung together for prayer mantras, I seem to have created a full-blown devotee space for them. I do not feel compelled to actually devote myself to him, but I am finding peace and strength in adding this type of quick-witted energy to my life as well as the humble admission of fault and subsequent reparations. 

As my husband, Rev. William Ashton, says, ruptures happen. We all make mistakes. It is what you do to repair that is the mark of your character. May I also be the type of person who admits when I am wrong and does the work to make right what I can as I learn to do better in the future.