Saturday, October 3, 2009

Musings for a dreary Saturday.

Cleaning always gets my brain moving in random directions, and with the approval of Div 1, I am feeling pretty confident today. I was asked to trade readings with Saoirse via computer in celebration, and it went very well. I'm not sure why I am always surprised when I actually have learned something, but it was great to be able to do that reading this morning--and just what I needed.

The Initiate program, in general, is about growing those less scholarly aspects of self and exploring the beyond. This stuff is what puts the "magic" in magico-religious.The further I walk along this path, the more people I see that lie on the other side of the mists. (For those not familiar with this reference, I had a recurring dream and my best friend had a dream that all involved me walking into a mist and others not being able to follow me. At first we thought I may be in some sort of trouble, but after a brief meditation, I realized quite quickly that where I was going was a place others could not follow unless they do the work to get there themselves.)

Before Druidry, before solitary pagan, I was in a coven. Had I stayed with them, I would be a third level priestess by now. When I went solitary, a lot of things stagnated as those around me adjusted to the changes in me. The same thing happened when I found Druidry, huge steps forward followed by a period of stagnation, or more aptly idling as I waited for those around me to adjust. I am coming out of a period of idling, and it is in these few moments between the two, that point when you take you foot off the brake but haven't hit the gas yet, that I often have the best perspective on where I've been and where I am going.

So, where am I going? Magic 1 and Bardic 1, I think are next. Bardic 1 needs done so I can begin handing in musical work. Magic 1 needs done because there is a Magic 2/Trance 1 crossover requirement, and I really need to begin trance 1. Patience, young grasshopper, I know. It will all be done in good time.

In final thoughts, I want to relay a synopsis of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. It seems she thinks I am studying to be a Priestess. I spent some time explaining the difference between the study programs, and she asked, "wait, which one are you doing?" I was shocked to hear her then ask when I would be beginning the clergy program. She is the second person in the last few weeks who told me I would be good at it and suggested I give it a second thought.

Honestly, I could absolutely see myself completing the clergy training program and following that route, complete with Oaths and vows to serve ADF and give my life to the service of the Gods and the Folk of our organization. I think that I would do a good job at it, because once I set my mind to something, I tend to find ways to improve until I have mastered something (It's a musician's quality). Had my life path brought me to a different place, I would accept the challenge, but in this life, the clergy program is not for me. I have strong responsibilities outside of my religious life, no matter the draw and immense satisfaction it brings to succumb to the call of the Kindred. I have a career and a family, both of which come before the group needs of my spiritual life. I do not have the time to dedicate myself to the work of the clergymen that is necessary to do it well. Solitary work, it seems, will be the bulk of my practice for a long time to come, but it is fulfilling when you realize this and embrace it.

Happiness, after all, is not getting what you want. It is wanting what you already have. Happy Saturday, everyone.

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