Since Daddy is out of town, the Minions decide that they can shmooze mom into McDonald's, which, of course, they can. Patrick, being the Eldest minion, and thus, above Happy Meals, orders fries and chicken nuggets--and a frozen treat, shaken, not stirred. As it turns out, this week's Happy Meal toy is a dragon from The Last Airbender, Eldest minion's favorite cartoon.
Girl minion and Baby minion happily assemble their dragons and munch their fries in a cadence that seems to hypnotize the Eldest minion, now drooling over the dragon.
When we arrive at home, it is not long before Baby minion is onto other things, as Baby minions are prone to do, and Eldest minion seizes the opportunity to snatch up the dragon in one fell swoop! So happy, Eldest minion!
Enter Girl minion, the bane of Eldest minion's existence.
At first, as Girl minion is prone to do, she plays well with Eldest minion. All of a sudden she announces, "Okay! Birthday party time!"
Eldest minion replies, "These are dragons, fierce, fire-breathing dragons. They don't have birthday parties."
Girl minion hugs her dragon defensively, as though his words have the power to maim. "Well, my dragon is a girl, and it's her birthday. Your dragon is going to be very upset if she doesn't get to come to my dragon's party."
Eldest minion, "My dragon is not a girl!"
Girl minion, "Yes she is! She's twins with my dragon, and you are going to make her cry!"
Eldest minion, "If I play birthday party with you, will you go away?"
Girl minion pauses, a reflective and yet somehow evil look in her eye. "Alright, I'll let you play birthday party with me, but there is no fighting or fire-breathing during the party, because that is not nice."
Eldest minion grumbles and replies, "Alright. What do I do?"
And Eldest and Girl minion play birthday party for five minutes.
Girl minion declares the birthday party is over, and Eldest minion is about to rejoice when all of a sudden, out of nowhere comes Baby minion. Baby minion looks deeply into the eyes of both Eldest and Girl minion, picks up both dragons and runs away.
Girl minion shrugs, having already had her fun, but Eldest minion is not yet sated of his desire for the dragon. Eldest minion asks Baby minion if he can play, but Baby minion just turns his back on him and continues to play alone, as Baby minions are prone to do.
Girl minion walks over to Baby minion and asks for her dragon back, which, of course, Baby minion happily gives her. She then walks over to Eldest minion and says, "If you play Candyland with me, I'll let you play with my dragon."
Eldest minion replies, "Yes. But only one game, and you can't cheat."
Girl minion victoriously begins setting up Candyland, during which she states, "I'll cheat if you want the dragon."
Eldest minion looks at me and sighs. In his best Charlie Brown, he says simply, "I hate my life."
Mother does her best to refrain from saying, "I told you so," and gives Eldest minion a supportive smile. Seems eleven is not too old for Happy Meals...not just yet.