Sunday, October 17, 2010

Loss and Love

The fact that I don't feel like writing says to me that I should. I've been avoiding a post because I don't want to be a downer all the time. I have been feeling almost overwhelmingly sad from time to time recently. I really miss my Mother-in-law, and there are a lot of reminders popping up. I talked with my son about when he was an infant. Oh, Gods, how she loved him! We told stories and laughed and then I excused myself casually to go cry alone. And cry I did. I've not cried like that in ages, and I am starting to think that I let out a lot of pent-up emotional garbage that I've been carrying around. So many people I know have experienced loss recently, and it tears my heart to see them grieve. I pray for healing for all of you.

I've learned a lot of things about relationships, what works, what doesn't, how important little things can be, etc, but the most important lesson I have learned is in regards to appreciation. We as a species are prone to taking things, particularly people for granted. Why is it that love, much like life, is only treasured when it is fragile? When it's strong, we assume it will always be there and go about our days. There is worth in more than just those things that are delicate. Maybe what is weak right now is me, and therefore everything seems much richer and more vibrant by comparison. Whatever the reason, I am spending the day being grateful for the wonderful gifts--things and more importantly, people--that are in my life.

Don't worry. I am doing just fine. I'm just missing some folks who are/were very important to me. Sometimes, there's a hole, and it takes a while to fill it with all my favorite memories.

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