Why is it that baring my soul always comes hand-in-hand with internal change? I mean, to others. I just vomited an 800 word essay all over the Grove mailing list about music and my personal issues with performance anxiety. I hope the typos aren't too bad. This was one of those instances where I knew if I went back to proofread that I wouldn't send it. It was honest and ugly and all sorts of healing, so I have no regrets.
The thing that never ceases to amaze me is my personal capacity for insecurity. Does one ever outgrow that? I am 31 years old, and I still shake in my shoes when someone asks me a question in case I might not know or might stutter when I talk. I sometimes make mistakes when I play guitar in a religious setting because I am so nervous that my hand gets all sweaty and slips on the strings. It's really annoying.
And what I hate the most is my projection of negative thoughts about me into the minds of others. These are the inner demons I fight to ignore. I can thank my father for many of them. It's not that he was a mean or judgmental person (with me, anyway). He just spent a lot of time "teasing" me about those things that were the most important to me "to make me stronger." He wanted me to be able to handle anything that was thrown at me by the world. If only he knew the worst I ever had thrown at me would come from him.
I actually feel really good right now. I feel like I am making improvements, and this letter I sent to the Grove is a definite sign of growth on my part, as will be evident to those who know me at all. And I think that where I am right now, observable while I am still in that space between the brake and the gas, is somewhere I haven't been before inside. These are uncharted waters, and I am not as scared as I used to be. This fear of performance, this inability to share my bardic arts with ease, this is the last to go. Once I get over this, I think I may finally be free.
There was a moment at the last liturgy meeting when general mayhem broke out for a few minutes. There were about six or eight individual conversations going on all at once, and I was not participating in any of them. I felt very alone in that moment and out of place. I was drawn out of it when I made eye contact with Mike, who asked me how I was doing from across the room in his Mike way (which made me happy), but I was left trying to explain how I felt and why I felt that way for days (which I posted about). Spending some time in reflection now that the emotions of that moment are gone has made me realize that moment was a period of adjustment. I am very different than I was at the beginning of the summer. During those few moments where I was not participating, I was internally adjusting, aligning the new me with the Grove in ways of which I still don't know the full depth. I feel more confident than I ever have and more mature. I'm sure I still have a ways to go (don't we all), but for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel capable of doing what I have been charged to do, music, IP/OotC or otherwise. And therein lies my joy: in my confidence in myself.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sacred Center, now in two parts!
As many of you know, I have been working through the Bardic Guild study program. I have the musical pieces done to carry me through the second circle for a few of the tracks, and the third circle composer track calls for liturgical music for an entire ritual. I wrote a short chant for the sacred center portion of the rite that I used for the dawn ritual at Summerlands soas not to include any reference to silver. It is a cute little ditty whose words are as follows:
Well and Fire and Sacred Tree
Flow and Burn and Grow in me
I like it, but it has always been missing something. I revisited this song tonight, and I finally figured out what it needs: it needs another part! So, there are two parts to this song, sung simultaneously. The above lyrics are now a descant.
The melody line is as follows:
The Land, below us
The Sea, surrounds us
The Sky, above us
at the center are we
I can't wait to hear it someday!
It's rather disheartening sometimes, writing liturgical music. I know most of the pieces I have written are just for me. When I write, I can see the entire ritual in my head, including where everyone will stand. Staging, liturgy, music, all of it. I can see the shimmer of those who have come to join us and the mists surrounding the ritual space. I am not leading these rituals. It's almost as if I am one of the beings visiting this sacred place, this sacred center created just to bring us together, and I am watching, listening, communing, feeling. And when called to do so, I pour out of myself and into the ritual space, enshrouding those within in a cloud of mana...
Well and Fire and Sacred Tree
Flow and Burn and Grow in me
I like it, but it has always been missing something. I revisited this song tonight, and I finally figured out what it needs: it needs another part! So, there are two parts to this song, sung simultaneously. The above lyrics are now a descant.
The melody line is as follows:
The Land, below us
The Sea, surrounds us
The Sky, above us
at the center are we
I can't wait to hear it someday!
It's rather disheartening sometimes, writing liturgical music. I know most of the pieces I have written are just for me. When I write, I can see the entire ritual in my head, including where everyone will stand. Staging, liturgy, music, all of it. I can see the shimmer of those who have come to join us and the mists surrounding the ritual space. I am not leading these rituals. It's almost as if I am one of the beings visiting this sacred place, this sacred center created just to bring us together, and I am watching, listening, communing, feeling. And when called to do so, I pour out of myself and into the ritual space, enshrouding those within in a cloud of mana...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Musings for a dreary Saturday.
Cleaning always gets my brain moving in random directions, and with the approval of Div 1, I am feeling pretty confident today. I was asked to trade readings with Saoirse via computer in celebration, and it went very well. I'm not sure why I am always surprised when I actually have learned something, but it was great to be able to do that reading this morning--and just what I needed.
The Initiate program, in general, is about growing those less scholarly aspects of self and exploring the beyond. This stuff is what puts the "magic" in magico-religious.The further I walk along this path, the more people I see that lie on the other side of the mists. (For those not familiar with this reference, I had a recurring dream and my best friend had a dream that all involved me walking into a mist and others not being able to follow me. At first we thought I may be in some sort of trouble, but after a brief meditation, I realized quite quickly that where I was going was a place others could not follow unless they do the work to get there themselves.)
Before Druidry, before solitary pagan, I was in a coven. Had I stayed with them, I would be a third level priestess by now. When I went solitary, a lot of things stagnated as those around me adjusted to the changes in me. The same thing happened when I found Druidry, huge steps forward followed by a period of stagnation, or more aptly idling as I waited for those around me to adjust. I am coming out of a period of idling, and it is in these few moments between the two, that point when you take you foot off the brake but haven't hit the gas yet, that I often have the best perspective on where I've been and where I am going.
So, where am I going? Magic 1 and Bardic 1, I think are next. Bardic 1 needs done so I can begin handing in musical work. Magic 1 needs done because there is a Magic 2/Trance 1 crossover requirement, and I really need to begin trance 1. Patience, young grasshopper, I know. It will all be done in good time.
In final thoughts, I want to relay a synopsis of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. It seems she thinks I am studying to be a Priestess. I spent some time explaining the difference between the study programs, and she asked, "wait, which one are you doing?" I was shocked to hear her then ask when I would be beginning the clergy program. She is the second person in the last few weeks who told me I would be good at it and suggested I give it a second thought.
Honestly, I could absolutely see myself completing the clergy training program and following that route, complete with Oaths and vows to serve ADF and give my life to the service of the Gods and the Folk of our organization. I think that I would do a good job at it, because once I set my mind to something, I tend to find ways to improve until I have mastered something (It's a musician's quality). Had my life path brought me to a different place, I would accept the challenge, but in this life, the clergy program is not for me. I have strong responsibilities outside of my religious life, no matter the draw and immense satisfaction it brings to succumb to the call of the Kindred. I have a career and a family, both of which come before the group needs of my spiritual life. I do not have the time to dedicate myself to the work of the clergymen that is necessary to do it well. Solitary work, it seems, will be the bulk of my practice for a long time to come, but it is fulfilling when you realize this and embrace it.
Happiness, after all, is not getting what you want. It is wanting what you already have. Happy Saturday, everyone.
The Initiate program, in general, is about growing those less scholarly aspects of self and exploring the beyond. This stuff is what puts the "magic" in magico-religious.The further I walk along this path, the more people I see that lie on the other side of the mists. (For those not familiar with this reference, I had a recurring dream and my best friend had a dream that all involved me walking into a mist and others not being able to follow me. At first we thought I may be in some sort of trouble, but after a brief meditation, I realized quite quickly that where I was going was a place others could not follow unless they do the work to get there themselves.)
Before Druidry, before solitary pagan, I was in a coven. Had I stayed with them, I would be a third level priestess by now. When I went solitary, a lot of things stagnated as those around me adjusted to the changes in me. The same thing happened when I found Druidry, huge steps forward followed by a period of stagnation, or more aptly idling as I waited for those around me to adjust. I am coming out of a period of idling, and it is in these few moments between the two, that point when you take you foot off the brake but haven't hit the gas yet, that I often have the best perspective on where I've been and where I am going.
So, where am I going? Magic 1 and Bardic 1, I think are next. Bardic 1 needs done so I can begin handing in musical work. Magic 1 needs done because there is a Magic 2/Trance 1 crossover requirement, and I really need to begin trance 1. Patience, young grasshopper, I know. It will all be done in good time.
In final thoughts, I want to relay a synopsis of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. It seems she thinks I am studying to be a Priestess. I spent some time explaining the difference between the study programs, and she asked, "wait, which one are you doing?" I was shocked to hear her then ask when I would be beginning the clergy program. She is the second person in the last few weeks who told me I would be good at it and suggested I give it a second thought.
Honestly, I could absolutely see myself completing the clergy training program and following that route, complete with Oaths and vows to serve ADF and give my life to the service of the Gods and the Folk of our organization. I think that I would do a good job at it, because once I set my mind to something, I tend to find ways to improve until I have mastered something (It's a musician's quality). Had my life path brought me to a different place, I would accept the challenge, but in this life, the clergy program is not for me. I have strong responsibilities outside of my religious life, no matter the draw and immense satisfaction it brings to succumb to the call of the Kindred. I have a career and a family, both of which come before the group needs of my spiritual life. I do not have the time to dedicate myself to the work of the clergymen that is necessary to do it well. Solitary work, it seems, will be the bulk of my practice for a long time to come, but it is fulfilling when you realize this and embrace it.
Happiness, after all, is not getting what you want. It is wanting what you already have. Happy Saturday, everyone.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Solitary Hellenic Fall Equinox 2009
This was a rough rite, liturgically. I was very emotional, imagine that, but it went well.
Though I had intended to do an Eleusinian Mysteries rite, this ended up being more of a Hellenic Re-dedication.
From the moment I honored Hestia, I began to feel a part of my that has been sleeping for the summer waking up. When I called Hekate to aid in opening the gates, I was smiling broadly. And when I called to Persephone, I almost cried. It felt good to be in the presence of my Olympians once more, and I look forward to the months to come.
Omens were taken as a forecast for the upcoming season:
Shining Ones:
“Flee the very great storm {Zalê}, lest you be disabled in some way.”
Storm: surge, distress; disabled: hindered.
Don’t make a sea-voyage in bad weather. It is futile to fight the force of the ocean; likewise, bucking the inevitable will weaken you and hinder your progress. Avoid raging storms of any kind; save your energy for when it can be effective. Sometimes flight is wiser than fight.
Nature Spirits:
“Phoibos [Apollo] speaks plainly {Saphôs}, ‘Stay, friend.’”
Plainly: distinctly, certainly; stay: wait, stand fast, remain.
Neither advance nor retreat; wait or hold your ground, as appropriate; the best action is inaction. “Phoibos” refers to Apollo as Bright and Pure, which also characterizes His advice in this oracle.
Ancestors:
“There are no {Ou} crops to be reaped that were not sown.”
Crops: fruit-trees, corn-fields, crop-lands; reap: mow, cut off; sown: engendered, begotten, scattered.
What we spread about, comes back to us. What goes around comes around. You must plan ahead in order to achieve anything.
Persephone:
“The one passing on the left {Laios} bodes well for everything.”
Passing: going through; bodes: shows, indicates, gives a sign, signifies, declares; well: rightly, happily, fortunately.
Since the left is traditionally the sinister side, the oracle may mean that an apparently sinister thing or event may be a blessing in disguise. The left is also associated with the unconscious, lunar mind, and so unconscious processes or intuition may signal a favorable outcome. A promising sign comes from an unpromising quarter.
Interpretation:
Save your energy for when it is effective, stand your ground when appropriate and be careful not to sow that which you do not wish to reap. Appearances may be deceiving. Be aware that blessings may come in disguise.
I am planning an Underworld Journey tomorrow. I am going to go down and talk with Persephone. She and I have some stuff to sort through, most of which involves me not retaining the lessons she taught me last year. Hehe, I think I'm in trouble. Wish me luck, lol.
Though I had intended to do an Eleusinian Mysteries rite, this ended up being more of a Hellenic Re-dedication.
From the moment I honored Hestia, I began to feel a part of my that has been sleeping for the summer waking up. When I called Hekate to aid in opening the gates, I was smiling broadly. And when I called to Persephone, I almost cried. It felt good to be in the presence of my Olympians once more, and I look forward to the months to come.
Omens were taken as a forecast for the upcoming season:
Shining Ones:
“Flee the very great storm {Zalê}, lest you be disabled in some way.”
Storm: surge, distress; disabled: hindered.
Don’t make a sea-voyage in bad weather. It is futile to fight the force of the ocean; likewise, bucking the inevitable will weaken you and hinder your progress. Avoid raging storms of any kind; save your energy for when it can be effective. Sometimes flight is wiser than fight.
Nature Spirits:
“Phoibos [Apollo] speaks plainly {Saphôs}, ‘Stay, friend.’”
Plainly: distinctly, certainly; stay: wait, stand fast, remain.
Neither advance nor retreat; wait or hold your ground, as appropriate; the best action is inaction. “Phoibos” refers to Apollo as Bright and Pure, which also characterizes His advice in this oracle.
Ancestors:
“There are no {Ou} crops to be reaped that were not sown.”
Crops: fruit-trees, corn-fields, crop-lands; reap: mow, cut off; sown: engendered, begotten, scattered.
What we spread about, comes back to us. What goes around comes around. You must plan ahead in order to achieve anything.
Persephone:
“The one passing on the left {Laios} bodes well for everything.”
Passing: going through; bodes: shows, indicates, gives a sign, signifies, declares; well: rightly, happily, fortunately.
Since the left is traditionally the sinister side, the oracle may mean that an apparently sinister thing or event may be a blessing in disguise. The left is also associated with the unconscious, lunar mind, and so unconscious processes or intuition may signal a favorable outcome. A promising sign comes from an unpromising quarter.
Interpretation:
Save your energy for when it is effective, stand your ground when appropriate and be careful not to sow that which you do not wish to reap. Appearances may be deceiving. Be aware that blessings may come in disguise.
I am planning an Underworld Journey tomorrow. I am going to go down and talk with Persephone. She and I have some stuff to sort through, most of which involves me not retaining the lessons she taught me last year. Hehe, I think I'm in trouble. Wish me luck, lol.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Be the banjo...
After the venting on my livejournal, as you can well imagine, I had more than a few conversations with some trusted friends in person (or online) that I found to be extremely helpful. I thought I would share the insights I have received and show you how smart my friends are. :)
I was told to suck it up and just jump back in there. Might not seem all that insightful to you, I understand, but sometimes, there is nothing more helpful than a good kick in the pants.
I talked it out with a friend who sometimes has similar feelings. We decided this: when you stand close to the fire, you sometimes get hot, and it causes you to step back. But, when you step back, the absence of heat is immediately noticeable. If I am feeling cold and disconnected, perhaps I should step once more closer to the fire (see above kick in the pants to suck it up and jump back in).
I talked with a couple of friends who told me I am high maintenance because I am a Bard (this is actually a positive commentary; hear it out). I give A LOT of myself, and often, and I need to be filled back up as a result. When I don't get filled up, I feel empty, and it is even more noticeable when the very people I expect to fill me up don't do it. So, I need to communicate that I need recharged, need my ego stroked. Um, this is not flattering, I know, but it is more accurate than I want it to be. Insightful little glimpse of the narcissistic side of myself I try not to invite to the fire, but Diva is as Diva does.
Finally, from one of my favorite people, I received this gem of information that has put it all into perspective: Instead of pouring yourself out to them, why not try to resonate with them.
Huh.
It was like the sound of one hand clapping; that thought you consider that sends you immediately into a deeper state. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am pushing and pushing and pushing, like an electric guitar with no amplifier. No matter how hard I strum the chords, only those closest to me will hear them, and it will be only a semblance of their potential. What I need to do is be the banjo. A banjo is a five string instrument. The strings are strung much like a guitar, but the body is made of a drum head. The thing that sets the banjo apart is the resonator ring. The Banjo has evolved over time to include this wooden and metal ring that amplifies the sound of the strings and projects it. It helps the banjo stay in tune, makes the single notes plucked more easily discernible and makes the chords ring out--loud, loud, loud.
Back in my Catholic days, I was a cantor. I stood up at the front of the congregation and lead call-and -response-type songs. It gave me a peaceful and beautifully reverent glow the rest of the day because my heart was truly happy doing it. I think that feeling is what I am looking for in the Grove. It worked in the Catholic setting because I stood in the center, struck a chord and with a wave of my hand, the entire congregation resonated with me. In the Grove, right now, all I am doing is strumming the Hel out of an unplugged electric guitar.
So, what the heck does this have to do with finding my place in the Grove? Everything and nothing. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else. It is about finding the spot where my chords echo throughout my Grovemates. It is about finding those things within us all that will cause a sympathetic vibration--which will result in resonance. Most of all, it is about me. I need to stop wasting all my energy strumming in silence and let the instrument do the work for me.
Finally, the question of the day: If I am the banjo and my grovemates are the resonator ring, then what, pray-tell are the chords? Those, dear friends, are the sounds of Teutates, playing the strings of my heart.
Thanks, A.
I was told to suck it up and just jump back in there. Might not seem all that insightful to you, I understand, but sometimes, there is nothing more helpful than a good kick in the pants.
I talked it out with a friend who sometimes has similar feelings. We decided this: when you stand close to the fire, you sometimes get hot, and it causes you to step back. But, when you step back, the absence of heat is immediately noticeable. If I am feeling cold and disconnected, perhaps I should step once more closer to the fire (see above kick in the pants to suck it up and jump back in).
I talked with a couple of friends who told me I am high maintenance because I am a Bard (this is actually a positive commentary; hear it out). I give A LOT of myself, and often, and I need to be filled back up as a result. When I don't get filled up, I feel empty, and it is even more noticeable when the very people I expect to fill me up don't do it. So, I need to communicate that I need recharged, need my ego stroked. Um, this is not flattering, I know, but it is more accurate than I want it to be. Insightful little glimpse of the narcissistic side of myself I try not to invite to the fire, but Diva is as Diva does.
Finally, from one of my favorite people, I received this gem of information that has put it all into perspective: Instead of pouring yourself out to them, why not try to resonate with them.
Huh.
It was like the sound of one hand clapping; that thought you consider that sends you immediately into a deeper state. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am pushing and pushing and pushing, like an electric guitar with no amplifier. No matter how hard I strum the chords, only those closest to me will hear them, and it will be only a semblance of their potential. What I need to do is be the banjo. A banjo is a five string instrument. The strings are strung much like a guitar, but the body is made of a drum head. The thing that sets the banjo apart is the resonator ring. The Banjo has evolved over time to include this wooden and metal ring that amplifies the sound of the strings and projects it. It helps the banjo stay in tune, makes the single notes plucked more easily discernible and makes the chords ring out--loud, loud, loud.
Back in my Catholic days, I was a cantor. I stood up at the front of the congregation and lead call-and -response-type songs. It gave me a peaceful and beautifully reverent glow the rest of the day because my heart was truly happy doing it. I think that feeling is what I am looking for in the Grove. It worked in the Catholic setting because I stood in the center, struck a chord and with a wave of my hand, the entire congregation resonated with me. In the Grove, right now, all I am doing is strumming the Hel out of an unplugged electric guitar.
So, what the heck does this have to do with finding my place in the Grove? Everything and nothing. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else. It is about finding the spot where my chords echo throughout my Grovemates. It is about finding those things within us all that will cause a sympathetic vibration--which will result in resonance. Most of all, it is about me. I need to stop wasting all my energy strumming in silence and let the instrument do the work for me.
Finally, the question of the day: If I am the banjo and my grovemates are the resonator ring, then what, pray-tell are the chords? Those, dear friends, are the sounds of Teutates, playing the strings of my heart.
Thanks, A.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Teutates and Autumn Equinox with the Cranes
I love my Grove. I really do. And I love our Grove's Patron. I really, really do.
I brought Timmy to the rite today, out of necessity. It was rooooooough, but a very dear Grove friend spent quite a bit of time helping with him. And Timmy absolutely loved her. Everyone was so nice and understanding of him. It made me realize why I wanted to be more than a congregant in this Grove in the first place. I've heard that for those with the patience and willingness to pay attention to a child with a disability that s/he will heal you. Boy, they must have been talking about my Timmy.
I missed most of the rite. Timmy plunked himself down almost where the Outdwellers offering was made (kinda fitting, actually), and I only made it over to the rite-proper during the portions I was doing. I was able to come forward to make my offering to Teutates. I took my jar of grain over to the Tree. I placed my hand on the tree, and I whispered a few sentences of thanks and praise to him for all he has done for me and for our Grove this year before I poured my offering. I spent a moment sending my intent to him, and my hand got warm and tingly on the tree. Then, I really felt him beside me, behind me, around me, telling me that I was welcome and letting me know that our offerings, all of them, were accepted in the wonderful spirit in which they were given. I was moved by his presence among us, and I was able to funnel this feeling into his song during the Waters. Shawn said it's the best I've played it yet. I even got Timmy to drink a little of the Waters. We burned the old wooden Garanus statue. It was a little sad, but theatrics once again saved me from an emotional outpouring. :) It was fun to read the Grove Poem, and I was feeling especially pleased with my performance when a hearing-impaired congregant told me she could hear me reading. (Yes, reading. It's long. I do have plans to begin memorizing.)
I wish I would have been able to socialize more, but Timmy was pretty over-stimulated by the end of the rite. It's hard sometimes. He is so quiet, even when he is upset, and sometimes people don't realize that he is having a hard time. I think that my distance in the social setting was understood, considering the circumstances.
Timmy stayed awake the whole way home, but he fell asleep on the floor about five minutes after Shawn and Lisa left. Hehe, me too.
In closing, I would like to appologize for being "angsty" and venting all of my emotions into my livejournal (again). You folks provide me with much insight and healing when I have thoughts weighing on my mind. Thank you for being open and continuing to read, regradless of my apparent negativity. Now that summer is over and my Underworld Goddess is going back to where she is accessible to me, things are looking up.
Oh, and The Ancestors of the Grove are back in their space in my living room. I am pretty excited about that, too.
I brought Timmy to the rite today, out of necessity. It was rooooooough, but a very dear Grove friend spent quite a bit of time helping with him. And Timmy absolutely loved her. Everyone was so nice and understanding of him. It made me realize why I wanted to be more than a congregant in this Grove in the first place. I've heard that for those with the patience and willingness to pay attention to a child with a disability that s/he will heal you. Boy, they must have been talking about my Timmy.
I missed most of the rite. Timmy plunked himself down almost where the Outdwellers offering was made (kinda fitting, actually), and I only made it over to the rite-proper during the portions I was doing. I was able to come forward to make my offering to Teutates. I took my jar of grain over to the Tree. I placed my hand on the tree, and I whispered a few sentences of thanks and praise to him for all he has done for me and for our Grove this year before I poured my offering. I spent a moment sending my intent to him, and my hand got warm and tingly on the tree. Then, I really felt him beside me, behind me, around me, telling me that I was welcome and letting me know that our offerings, all of them, were accepted in the wonderful spirit in which they were given. I was moved by his presence among us, and I was able to funnel this feeling into his song during the Waters. Shawn said it's the best I've played it yet. I even got Timmy to drink a little of the Waters. We burned the old wooden Garanus statue. It was a little sad, but theatrics once again saved me from an emotional outpouring. :) It was fun to read the Grove Poem, and I was feeling especially pleased with my performance when a hearing-impaired congregant told me she could hear me reading. (Yes, reading. It's long. I do have plans to begin memorizing.)
I wish I would have been able to socialize more, but Timmy was pretty over-stimulated by the end of the rite. It's hard sometimes. He is so quiet, even when he is upset, and sometimes people don't realize that he is having a hard time. I think that my distance in the social setting was understood, considering the circumstances.
Timmy stayed awake the whole way home, but he fell asleep on the floor about five minutes after Shawn and Lisa left. Hehe, me too.
In closing, I would like to appologize for being "angsty" and venting all of my emotions into my livejournal (again). You folks provide me with much insight and healing when I have thoughts weighing on my mind. Thank you for being open and continuing to read, regradless of my apparent negativity. Now that summer is over and my Underworld Goddess is going back to where she is accessible to me, things are looking up.
Oh, and The Ancestors of the Grove are back in their space in my living room. I am pretty excited about that, too.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Summerlands, 2009
Wow. Just, wow.
I know there were many folks who had drama and some rather negative moments at this festival, but I was fortunately unscathed in any of those situations and just generally absent when they happened by some chance of fate.
As such, I had what is probably the most glowing Summerlands experience possible. I met many new faces, reconnected with familiar faces, and spent the majority of my time in laughter and love.
I picked up AG on Wednesday night and ended up not getting out of Columbus until much later than anticipated on Thursday due to several pit stops and last minute shenanigans. Fortunately, this meant we arrived with enough time to set up camp before the Warriors Sumbel but missed the rain entirely. This was my first Warriors sumbel, and I must say that it was a good experience. Walking in en masse with the Cranekin made me feel a strong connection and sense of brotherhood (or, sisterhood, as it were). Many of the words spoken over the horn were touching and quite moving. I didn't hang at the drum circle long due to the crazy-early for a festival dawn ritual, that somebody decided we had to get up for on Friday morning. Oh, right, that was me. but while there, I did get a private dancing while I drummed. *heehee*
And I am glad that we did the dawn rite! It went very well. We had twenty-one participants, including me, and it was quite an energizing experience. We took the offerings and the water in the well down the hill to the Well and had a community bonding time down there. I felt very connected and generally happy as a result of the work we did that morning.
Bardic Night was not quite the way I had expected it to go. It was very hot and crowded in the hall, and the folk were particularly chatty, meaning that most of the acts were difficult to hear. When it was my turn to perform, I first made sure SMG was there for "Awen Rains Down" since she missed it at Wellspring. Then, like a silly person, I asked for requests, and about 15 Cranes yelled "Lunchlady!!!!" Well, when on stage, one must give her fans what they want, yes? So, I ended up doing a very smashing rendition of Lunchlady land in between two otherwise very serious songs (ended, of course, with "Teutates"). It was fabulously fun. I hear there is video. *blush*
I had a beautiful encounter with a wonderful man. A. and I talked for quite a while and shared much personal information. It was a bonding experience I shall not forget. There was a definite spark, but at this juncture, I am not sure what possibilities exist here. I guess time will tell, eh? If nothing else, this is likely the beginning of a really good friendship!
Drumming was not so existent since by the time I got up there, everyone was hammered. I lead a few rhythms, yay! But then, I was sober...+ a few sips of Bearman's Jameson. Had some serious discussion with some folks *hugs and love to JO* before taking the Bearman back to his tent at almost 5 am. This is why I camp next to you, love. So I have someone with whom to walk home. :)
Saturday, I had to go into town to take my DNA sequencing exam. Totally got an A. Woot! Made it back just in time for the Unity rite. Thankfully, it did not pour on us. When MJD called the Ancestors, I felt a breeze rush from behind us into the circle that sent chills down my spine. Having had the Ancestors box in my home has made me more in tune to their presence, and it gives me the drive to DIC something so I can have it back. Yay for Crane traditions that help us grow! Omens were interesting for me.
We performed a healing ritual for our Bearman that is one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had. I will post about that in another post.
I had much conversation with SMG. *hugs* I always enjoy talking to you, and it never fails that I completely lose track of time when we are together! I miss you already, too (even though I have emailed you twice since we've been home, haha).
Emerald found me at the beginning of Roger Drawdy's concert and kidnapped me for bling. She wrapped me in a belly-dancing belt with lots of jinglies. :) That was fun. I didn't win any awards for stealth, though. I did, however, feel compelled to dance. What fun! I don't usually dance because, well, let's face it, I am not quite the best dancer. I have rhythm, yes, but coordination is not a strength. lol
After that came the drumming at the fire. We drummed and drummed and chanted and drummed some more. They even let me teach them the chant for creating sacred space I wrote to avoid the mention of silver while Ian and AJ drummed. I spent a good bit of time talking to AJ and now I want more percussion equipment and a didj. I know. I'll add them to the list. Went to take a nap at, like, 6:30 am before breaking camp (eventually).
I received quite a bit of much needed ego-boosting, of which I am still trying to make myself feel worthy. There is much that I am leaving out due to personal confidences and otherwise "Me-only" stuff, but suffice it to say I had many, many small and large conversations with JG, MJD, JA, TN, NE and MB, etc. And I spent a collection of combined hours interjecting the day with flirting, jokes and general optimism wherever I could muster it up. Wonderful, wonderful weekend. The best part? I came home to a happy Jeremy who was excited to see me and all ears for everything that I had to say. And for those of you who have had the privilege (privilege?) of talking with me in person who know how long-winded I can be, that is saying something.
I feel full. :)
I know there were many folks who had drama and some rather negative moments at this festival, but I was fortunately unscathed in any of those situations and just generally absent when they happened by some chance of fate.
As such, I had what is probably the most glowing Summerlands experience possible. I met many new faces, reconnected with familiar faces, and spent the majority of my time in laughter and love.
I picked up AG on Wednesday night and ended up not getting out of Columbus until much later than anticipated on Thursday due to several pit stops and last minute shenanigans. Fortunately, this meant we arrived with enough time to set up camp before the Warriors Sumbel but missed the rain entirely. This was my first Warriors sumbel, and I must say that it was a good experience. Walking in en masse with the Cranekin made me feel a strong connection and sense of brotherhood (or, sisterhood, as it were). Many of the words spoken over the horn were touching and quite moving. I didn't hang at the drum circle long due to the crazy-early for a festival dawn ritual, that somebody decided we had to get up for on Friday morning. Oh, right, that was me. but while there, I did get a private dancing while I drummed. *heehee*
And I am glad that we did the dawn rite! It went very well. We had twenty-one participants, including me, and it was quite an energizing experience. We took the offerings and the water in the well down the hill to the Well and had a community bonding time down there. I felt very connected and generally happy as a result of the work we did that morning.
Bardic Night was not quite the way I had expected it to go. It was very hot and crowded in the hall, and the folk were particularly chatty, meaning that most of the acts were difficult to hear. When it was my turn to perform, I first made sure SMG was there for "Awen Rains Down" since she missed it at Wellspring. Then, like a silly person, I asked for requests, and about 15 Cranes yelled "Lunchlady!!!!" Well, when on stage, one must give her fans what they want, yes? So, I ended up doing a very smashing rendition of Lunchlady land in between two otherwise very serious songs (ended, of course, with "Teutates"). It was fabulously fun. I hear there is video. *blush*
I had a beautiful encounter with a wonderful man. A. and I talked for quite a while and shared much personal information. It was a bonding experience I shall not forget. There was a definite spark, but at this juncture, I am not sure what possibilities exist here. I guess time will tell, eh? If nothing else, this is likely the beginning of a really good friendship!
Drumming was not so existent since by the time I got up there, everyone was hammered. I lead a few rhythms, yay! But then, I was sober...+ a few sips of Bearman's Jameson. Had some serious discussion with some folks *hugs and love to JO* before taking the Bearman back to his tent at almost 5 am. This is why I camp next to you, love. So I have someone with whom to walk home. :)
Saturday, I had to go into town to take my DNA sequencing exam. Totally got an A. Woot! Made it back just in time for the Unity rite. Thankfully, it did not pour on us. When MJD called the Ancestors, I felt a breeze rush from behind us into the circle that sent chills down my spine. Having had the Ancestors box in my home has made me more in tune to their presence, and it gives me the drive to DIC something so I can have it back. Yay for Crane traditions that help us grow! Omens were interesting for me.
We performed a healing ritual for our Bearman that is one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had. I will post about that in another post.
I had much conversation with SMG. *hugs* I always enjoy talking to you, and it never fails that I completely lose track of time when we are together! I miss you already, too (even though I have emailed you twice since we've been home, haha).
Emerald found me at the beginning of Roger Drawdy's concert and kidnapped me for bling. She wrapped me in a belly-dancing belt with lots of jinglies. :) That was fun. I didn't win any awards for stealth, though. I did, however, feel compelled to dance. What fun! I don't usually dance because, well, let's face it, I am not quite the best dancer. I have rhythm, yes, but coordination is not a strength. lol
After that came the drumming at the fire. We drummed and drummed and chanted and drummed some more. They even let me teach them the chant for creating sacred space I wrote to avoid the mention of silver while Ian and AJ drummed. I spent a good bit of time talking to AJ and now I want more percussion equipment and a didj. I know. I'll add them to the list. Went to take a nap at, like, 6:30 am before breaking camp (eventually).
I received quite a bit of much needed ego-boosting, of which I am still trying to make myself feel worthy. There is much that I am leaving out due to personal confidences and otherwise "Me-only" stuff, but suffice it to say I had many, many small and large conversations with JG, MJD, JA, TN, NE and MB, etc. And I spent a collection of combined hours interjecting the day with flirting, jokes and general optimism wherever I could muster it up. Wonderful, wonderful weekend. The best part? I came home to a happy Jeremy who was excited to see me and all ears for everything that I had to say. And for those of you who have had the privilege (privilege?) of talking with me in person who know how long-winded I can be, that is saying something.
I feel full. :)
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