Monday, January 28, 2008

Arachne--how we began...and ended.

So, let me tell you a little more about my relationship with Arachne.

She was a woman my fiance (now my husband) worked with and lusted after. (He was so funny.) She had everything he likes about women: smart, pretty, fun, big boobs, all of it. They went for smoke rides on his lunch break and got to know each other rather well. Over time, they discussed the possibility of us being together intimately. I met her for the first time knowing my husband petitioned her, and I knew I was going to be evaluated for those purposes, so I was not quite myself. Thankfully, she felt the awkwardness of the moment as wel, and we got a good laugh at the way we were feeling. I found her easy to be with. We talked about everything, shared wine and our lives, and just got to know one another. At this time, I had only one child, two years old, and they even got along well. We made fast friends.

She was at our wedding, though the whole thing is kinda hazy. So much happens at a wedding ii so little time!! After we returned from our honeymoon, we began making plans for the next step. She and Jeremy were together first. That was hard for me, as I am sure you can imagine. Looking back, I think that was the mistake that cost me this relationship in the end. I spent the entire time feeling guilty for feeling jealous that they were together without me. I was afraid he would like her better and not come home to me. It was a long and painful night. I found out later, he was having problems performing because he was feeling guilty as well.

She lived about an hour away, so we weren't together very often at first. She did stay with us on the weekends and slept on the couch sometimes, usually because we would have a few drinks and stay up late. The opportunity for us to be together did not arise until one weekend when my in-laws were keeping the baby. She lived about half-way between our house and my in-laws, so after we dropped off the baby, we went to her house instead of going home.

Eventually, she moved in with us to help save money (and gas!). I went on road trips with her to our "fellowship meetings," and we shared everything about our entire lives with one another. (Six hours in a car can do that to people.)

One day, she came home from a trip to tell us she had a dream and a lot of very coincidental things happened to tell her that a man she used to know who had come back into her life was for her. She broke up with us that day.

I felt destroyed, abandonded, hurt, resentful, and angry. I didn't even know how to begin to deal with this. She moved out several months later, as scheduled by her acceptance into graduate school.

After that, we pretty much lost touch, until recently. I think the only reason we can be friends now is that enough time has passed to numb the hurt and allow us to see past it to all the good memories that were hidden behind it. I am looking forward to seeing her again, though it may be a bittersweet reunion.

You know what they say, "if you love someone, let them go...."

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