Sunday, April 20, 2008

She's Here!

Arachne has been here for four days, and I am more than happy with the outcome of this visit thus far. We have bonded ourselves again in the most intimate ways, and I will never be without her for so long again.

It has been six years since we parted ways. She is much the same Arachne she was then. But I am not. I am different. I am Athena now. I am powerful, resourceful, strong, cunning, wise, knowledgeable, and loving. I am woman. I am mother. I am she. And she has noticed.

I was in a very different place in my life when we were together before. I had just found my new religious path, and I was still taking my first baby steps along the way. I know there are ways in which I will never equal her, but finally, I think there finally exist a few ways in which I surpass her. I owe a lot of who I have become to the foundation I built with her six years ago. Without her, I would not be where I am now on this journey. I owe her a huge debt for opening my mind and my heart to the truths I now hold so dear.

The question becomes 'what will happen in the future?' This weekend has introduced variables I never even considered existing before now. What happens now? How long can we go without each other? Is there going to be next time, or have we finally reached the end of our ropes?

I have had a few moments to reflect over all this, and the resounding theme is that I still love her. I do. I love her with parts of my soul I have never shown to anyone before. She has the ability to move me in ways I doubt I will ever experience again. I cannot stand the idea of being apart from her, but I know this is how it must be. I could allow her to be my life, my soulmate, my all. But this is not for us this time. This is for dreams and for fantasies.

I am feeling a profound sense of awe right now, and I know there will be difficulty when the intensity dies off a bit, but I have come to the conclusion that whatever happens, whatever the future holds, it was all well worth it.

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