Waters of Purification and Talisman Creation

A Talisman and Waters of Purification Blessing for a New Mother-to-be

[Mother-to-be] brings forth a string of beads (similar to a rosary) and a vessel for waters to place in her birthing tub.

As your womb swells to full fertile beauty,
We are blessed with spring all around us.
The flowers have been blooming, just as you have bloomed.
The trees have flowered, just as you have flowered.
The land sighs in relief as the snows of winter finally pass us by,
Just as you prepare to sigh in relief for the new blessing brought forth from your body—as a seed emerges from its casing to reach for the sun.
We bless this talisman, brought together by those who love and support you,
That it may be a source of strength and blessing throughout your ordeal.

Assembled folk, join your voice with mine to send our energy and love into this talisman that Brittany may draw on our love and support when she needs us,
no matter how far we may be from her.
In this talisman, we store for you our love.
In this talisman, we store for you our support.
In this talisman, we store for you our fellowship.
As this resides with you, so, too, do we reside with you.
With this beside you, you are never alone.

[Toning]

To seal these blessings within, we place this talisman in the Well,
Where the waters flow up from the bosom on the Earth Mother.
By the combined energies of those here,
By the power of the Mothers who have gone before,
By the power of Earth Mother herself,
Be sealed and holy,
Jewels of Birthing.
So say we all.

[Dip Water from the Well]

May these Waters,
Drawn up from deep within the Earth,
Bless your birthing waters,
Bringing you strength and easing your pain,
Guiding this new life into the world
In health, harmony, and joy.
So say we all.

Nine-Fold Mother's Blessing

A Blessing for a new Mother-to-be

[Mother-to-be], join us here at the hearth to receive the blessings of the Kindreds and the Folk.
For each part of the blessing, the [Mother-to-be] is censed in a full circle

May the Shining Ones bless you with love
That your heart may be opened to prepare you for the new love in your life

May the Ancestors bless you with clarity of mind
That your head may be sharp with wit for decision-making

May the Nature Spirits bless you with strength
That your body may be strong for the work required of you

By Fire, be blessed with inspiration
That your voice be made clear to prepare you for speaking your truth

By Holy Well, be blessed with purification
That your hands be made clean for the life you will cradle

By Sacred Tree, be blessed with attention
That your ears be made open to prepare you to hear and understand

The Land beneath you bless you with stability
That your foundation be not shaken

The Sea around you bless you with peace
That anxiety be kept at bay.

The Sky above you bless you with sunshine
That happiness spring forth from this birth experience

Nine circles made about you.
Nine blessings infused in your spirit.
May you be infused with the blessings that will support you in the journey ahead.
From the center of your being, growing outwards from your womb
Many blessings abound as you engage with the voice of your mothering.
Brittany, let these blessings strengthen you through your labor,
Let these blessings fill you with the joy of new life,
Let these blessings expand to your child and brighten both your lives.

By the Deities above,
By the Ancestors below,
By the Noble Kin by your side,
By the Fire,
By the Well,
By the Sacred Tree,
By the Land,
By the Sea,
By the Sky,
These blessings are sealed within you to use when you need them.

So say we all.

Pagan Consent Culture Reflection 4: Reclaiming Touch and Final Thoughts

In the excerpt, Phyllis K. Davis (1999) discusses the healing potential of physical touch. I have read several articles on the power of touch to bring healing and well-being, particularly emotional, to patients in the hospital. Working in a children's facility, I was exposed to the power of touch through the programs put in place to have volunteers come in and spend time holding the babies. Research shows that babies who are held grow and thrive far more than those who are not. We started to see greatly improved health outcomes for our little ones when we added physical contact with other humans outside of typical treatment protocols in a more holistic approach to healing.

The suggested activities seem useful to someone who is attempting to reclaim touch. As a person without touch trauma, I can see why one would need to practice things like asking for a hug in a group or exchanging back massages. These are the types of things one sees often at pagan gatherings--but what if these things spontaneously arise and trigger a victim of previous abuse? This is why ALL touch needs consent. When we decide we need physical contact, we must remember that our need is only one-half of the equation. True consent requires both parties to have the chance to make an informed choice and respond with enthusiasm or decline with grace without fear of retribution or violation.

As I move on from this work, I look toward fleshing out the final project into a full course designed to teach others what healthy small group dynamics look like, power differentials and how to handle them, and conflict resolution--all framed in an atmosphere of consent. Some of these lessons were easy, and some were difficult to learn, because societal mores tell us that social hierarchy dictates how much say we have (or, rather, do not have) over our own bodies, lives, and choices. Personal sovereignty is not a game. It is not something we should have lost, but it is something we need to work to reclaim. This work won't be easy, but I am in it for the duration. I hope you will join me.

Davis, P.K. (1999). The power of touch. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. pp. 192-209

Pagan Consent Culture Reflection 3: In the Midst of Avalon and ADF

I chose to read, “In the Midst of Avalon, Casualties of the Sexual Revolution,” by Katessa S. Harkey, because I had only recently heard about the Marion Zimmer Bradley (MZB) story of abuse a mere few weeks before the Isaac Bonewits accusations surfaced. Though this may be painful, I wanted to know more. The author writes from a historical perspective, citing many sources and leaving biases and conclusions out of the narrative, for which I am grateful. There are several points she raises that intersect with my current state of mind:

First, Katessa S. Harkey (2008) points out the difficulty in digesting accusations against a prominent individual posthumously (p. 204), because in most cases, there is "insufficient evidence to determine whether the posthumous claims are justified" (p. 205). This, from the commentary I have read, is where most of us lie in terms of Bonewits. Much like MZB, context from other areas of his life have added much fuel to the fire. Individuals have come forward revealing conversations they had with Bonewits directly expressing his views on Greek Love and “intergenerational relationships,” as MZB and Walter Breen called it--a practice that gives modern neopagans pause. This is definitely where many of us have stalled in our processing of the information.

Secondly, she discusses the apparent necessity many folks feel for separating an artist from the works, if this is possible. Do we now throw away all the work Bonewits has done to build this church to which we belong? Do we rebrand? Do we set the whole thing on fire and go our separate ways? These are the typical reactions readers had to MZB's works. It seems ADF members are experiencing a "psycho-spiritual tainting by association," and we are not entirely sure how to handle this (Harkey, 2008, p. 207).

Third, in Harkey's example of the underlying current of MZB's worldview as seen in Mists of Avalon, I am reminded of the underlying content in Bonewits', The Pagan Man, in which Bonewits himself muses on the mistakes he had made in his past regarding sexuality. Knowing a bit more about his personal life outside of ADF definitely informs the interpretation of his words in this title.
Finally, I completely agree with Harkey's (2008) conclusion that "we need to tell our history truthfully so that the mistakes of the past need not be repeated" (p. 212). It is in the spirit of transparency that we will heal from this. He must look at our flaws and the flaws of those who have gone before us, for these, too, hold lessons that will help us to evolve. If we deny or hide the ugly parts of our past, much like the accusations against MZB and Bonewits, they will return to haunt us and discredit us without us having the ability to engage in conversation, to right wrongs where possible, and to move forward with healing and dignity and a plan to keep these types of things from happening again. After all, that's why we're all here right now.

Harkey, K.S. (2008). In the Midst of Avalon, Casualties of the Sexual Revolution. Pagan Consent Culture. Hubbardston, MA: Asphodel Press. pp. 194-212.

Pagan Consent Culture Reflection 2: Consent, Consensus, and Compassion

In her article on Matriarchy and Consent Culture, Yeshe Rabbit discusses the imbalances of power common to patriarchal systems that concentrate power in top of their hierarchy. Traditional models are a pyramid: the largest group being the producers of power at the bottom, followed by the consumers of power in the middle, and topped by the Arbiters of Power (Rabbit, 2008, p.  33). In this model, the producers hold the majority of the power, but a culture of fear cultivated over decades or even generations keeps them from exercising this power. 

In a system like ADF with a consolidation of power in the top tier of the organization, there is little room for the voices of the folk with less power. Even when given opportunity to speak, they are often held back by their own fears of rejection and lack of hope in being heard, leading to silence as the form of consent for status quo. This is common when an organization belongs to a society with a similar structure. As Rabbit (2008) points out, “when pagans enter into spiritual relationships under a patriarchal system of power-over, in the effort to find the power we have been craving in the mundane world, we are susceptible to creating power schemes that replicate the imbalanced power dynamics to which we are accustomed” (p. 36).

The author goes on to describe what she refers to as the “Matriarchal “ model, which is essentially the same as the consensus decision-making model common to nonprofit organizations. In consensus-based groups, everyone’s voice is equally as important, and decisions are not final until buy-in is achieved from all parties involved. This is a helpful tool for maintaining healthy small group dynamics such as those found in a coven or local grove.

One of my classmates remarked that teaching compassion should be a first step: "if we learn to be compassionate, we will learn to be understanding to not only those that we will interact with, but also to ourselves.” Consensus shares its root word with consent, from the Latin, con, together, and sentire, to feel. It literally means, “to feel together.” Compassion, on the other hand, derives from the Latin, com, together, and pati, to suffer, and means, “to suffer together.” At first glance, it may seem these are synonyms, but I offer this: we must strive to maintain relationships through consent, through feeling together. It is only through consent that we will avoid the circumstances that cause the need for us to suffer together. Consent lessens the amount of suffering inherent in our relationships, and as a religion built on right relationship, this makes consent a far greater and more powerful virtue than compassion.  

Rabbit, Y. (2008). Matriarchy & consent culture in a feminist pagan community. Pagan Consent Culture.  Hubbardston, MA: Asphodel Press. pp. 31-42.

Home and Hearth: A Reflection at Imbolc

When thinking about what the concepts of Home and Hearth mean to me, my thoughts went to the notion of chosen family. As we age, we move away from the mandated family we were given at birth to a more collective, chosen family of individuals to whom we freely give and receive love in the many ways that fulfill our lives.

In ADF, our Indo-European paganism is divided into factions based on our chosen “hearth” culture. This has led to a lot of confusion and feelings of isolation for folks, including me, because much like our chosen family, we, as pagans, get to choose with whom we build relationship as allies among the Kindreds.

If you look around the Prairie Home, you will see shrines to Brighid, Freyja, Hekate, Thor, Persephone, and Sky Father…not to mention the amazing depiction of the Earth Mother above the community shrine. This is what our Hearth Practice looks like.

We each have our chosen allies with whom we walk through the world in reciprocal relationship for the benefit of us all whether they be human, Deity, Ancestor, or Not-God. We have a say in who gets to join us at our Hearth and for how long they will walk with us on this journey through life.

As many of you know, Rev. Sara and I are in the middle of a class at Cherry Hill Seminary entitled, Pagan Consent Culture. The very first article in the book for the course by the same name is a piece by John Beckett on the notion of Personal Sovereignty. In his article, “Culture of Consent, Culture of Sovereignty,” Beckett (2008) discusses our individual “right to rule” ourselves AND the “obligation to rule rightly” (p. 2).

Though I am not typically a fan of Beckett’s work, there is merit in this statement:

We have a right to rule ourselves and the obligation to rule rightly.

We have a right to rule ourselves. Our personal sovereignty gives us the right to make decisions on our own behalf. We get to choose who comes into our homes, we get to decide what we want for dinner, we get to choose what we are going to wear.

We also get to choose whom we date, to whom we lend money, and to whom we offer hospitality. We even get to choose whether or not we will hug someone, regardless of how many times we’ve hugged them before.

We are each the bosses of ourselves which shows the importance of consent. Our society has us in the habit of making decisions for others without their input or permission. Consent is the only way we can truly respect the personal sovereignty of those around us.

Now, we also have an obligation to rule ourselves rightly. What does this mean? It certainly doesn’t mean we will be perfect. I will be the first to admit that I have made mistakes—a LOT of them, but each one holds a lesson that helps me to keep from making that same mistake again, each time, treating myself with self-compassion.

Self-compassion, suffering with the self (Latin com-together, pati-to suffer), builds a practice of learning how to give compassion to others, suffering with others. From there, I can truly build a practice of consent (Latin con-together, sentire-to feel), of learning how to feel with others before suffering takes place.

Seeking consent leads to healthy relationship dynamics. This practice is what will aid me in maintaining my personal sovereignty without diminishing the sovereignty of others.

Being in right relationship with those around us includes being in right relationship with ourselves. Right relationship with ourselves is the “Home” part of the Home and Hearth.

Home is where the heart is, inside of each of us, and at our center burns the living flame around which we build our hearth of chosen family and allies.

In short, Personal Sovereignty is being in right relationship with ourselves that we may build right relationship with those with whom we choose to share our journey. This, for me, is the essence of Home and Hearth.

Pagan Consent Culture Reflection 1: Defining Consent and Why We Need It

As I finish up the first week of Cherry Hill Seminary's course on Pagan Consent Culture, I have thoughts. We have been tasked with completing this class and engaging in the work of creating a better culture of consent within our organization in light of the allegations against our founder and former Archdruid, Isaac Bonewits.

This week, we read through several excerpts from Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (Friedman & Valenti, 2008) with a focus on defining consent and taking a look at the general state of paganism as it relates to consent. From our discussions, I can see we still have a long way to go to truly embrace a culture of informed, enthusiastic consent. We tend to be quick to view this as an issue specific to patriarchal religions—one we like to believe doesn't exist in paganism. While I agree that much of our social norms originated with the religious over-culture, I strongly disagree that we are free from them in our own groups.

I have heard members of ADF discussing how much better we are than other groups, and I have to disagree here, as well. Power differentials along gender lines are definitely an issue in ADF just as much as in other areas. To date, we have never had a female Archdruid, and the argument for this is always, "well, it's an elected position, so it's not our fault.” Why aren't we lifting up our own women? If we are so much more progressive than other religious traditions, why are we still viewed as patriarchal from the outside? There are a lot of questions ADF needs to answer in terms of consent and equality within our own organization. That's why we are all here right now.

I have also heard complaints that young men are told to embrace their feminine side and learn how to share their feelings while in the same breath they are told they are “mansplaining.”  This response is typical: the behavior of men is blamed on the confusing messages they receive from women. Such responses are subtle forms of victim-blaming (which I agree is a harsh term for the notion of blaming the person with the lesser power differential for the negative reaction), and these types of responses muddy the waters for real communication. These cycles place the responsibility for social change on the population with less power. This is why social change is slow and/or doesn't happen often.

I have heard that “you can just tell” when someone needs/wants a hug. In terms of consent for touch, I wholeheartedly support a move to a place where everyone is asked whether or not they want a hug. Every. Time. Yes, even for something as “harmless” as a hug. I know many people who will hug you back, albeit awkwardly, when they are hugged without being asked or when everyone else is hugging and it seems expected. The hugger may never know, because folks who don't want to be touched have learned how to “get it over with” as quickly as possible without making it weird. This is a primary issue within our culture: implied/assumed consent. If we really want to make a change in our groves, we need to make it important to ask every time before we touch someone, regardless of how many times we have hugged them in the past.

The pagan community is a place where folks who have been hurt seek refuge. Many of these individuals have past traumas we don't know or understand. Giving them the option to receive a hug or not is allowing them to decide if they are in the right frame of mind to be touched at that moment. For example, a woman in a domestic violence situation may have had a bad night with her partner the evening before a grove high day. When she gets there, to her safe place to pray, she wants to have her moment with the fire and let the flames help bring her healing and connection to the Kindreds. She may usually be open and very fond of hugs, but today is not that day. By forcing this woman to give everyone a hug, or assuming she wants to be hugged, we take away her power in that moment. She had a negative touch interaction that removed her personal sovereignty. She needs the space to be in control of her own body and not hug anyone if she chooses to help her heal. She will hug you to avoid confrontation, but it is not the choice she would have made if given the option.

Women and marginalized individuals yield to those with more power. We cannot truly embrace consent as a cultural change until we recognize that we need to provide space for folks to voice their personal desires AND to be heard and obeyed, even for something as seemingly simple as a hug. In terms of consent, we have a lot to learn, and until we recognize our own issues and truly examine the roles we play as individuals into feeding the cycles, those with less power will continue to be held from realizing their potential within our groups.

Friedman, J. & Valenti, J. (2008). Yes means yes!: Visions of female sexual power and a world without rape. New York, NY: Seal Press.

Cross-posted at Mountain Ancestors Grove, ADF.