Beltaine is always a weird time of year for me. As someone with a LOT of natural sexual energy, I tend to be highly unfocused. Knowing this about myself, I decided to embrace the chaos within this year and give up trying to focus, apparently, because I brought all three kids to the rite. :D
More seriously, I brought all three children to the rite today. Jessie would have been here either way, and I will post more about her in a moment. Today was Patrick's first rite, and as I suspected, he was pretty bored. Kids and church tend to be almost universally predictable that way. I was surprised that he didn't join in the Maypole dance however, since we've done them every year for the past eight, and this was our first year not doing one at home. He told me he just wanted a year off, LOL. I love that kid so much it hurts.
Maypole dance was AWESOME. I felt really full after it was over, and I needed that. I liked the fact that we built up all that energy and then released in into the Earth Mother with the intent to offer her healing. That was beautiful and the imagery helped me to actually release it, which has been a problem of mine.
Timmy was Timmy. I am ever grateful to my Grove from embracing him as is without any complaints or frustrations other than not really knowing what to do to interact with him. And knowing that there is a desire to interact with him means more to my heart than you could ever know. My Grove family has, as usual, proven to me that they are amazing. This time because of their never-ending capacity to love.
Jessie, my little Pagan child, was so adorable. She and I learned the songs for the rite beforehand, and she sang like a champ! She also has a knack for meditation, which is slightly unexpected for such an energetic six-year-old. She will be seven next month, age of reason, I'm told, and I look forward to the ways the Kindred manifest themselves further in her life.
The rite itself seemed to go well. I was highly distracted and even outside for much of the rite. I was also running on two hours of sleep. I ended up crashing pretty hard when I got home, and for a short while, I thought I might vomit. I am feeling a little better now, having had an additional four hours of sleep. I think I am going to have to start putting my foot down and not doing these rites that happen so early in the day when I've worked the night before. I need to suck up the fact that I just can't handle it. Next year, when I am not working nights anymore, this will all go away. Until then, I need to accept the fact that it's selfish of me and that the Kindred and my Grove members don't want me to hurt myself to serve them. I just frickin' love doing it. Maybe I can offer to provide some "training" for another Grove member to take up the role of Bard for those rites?
And the Ancestors Box is back in it's spot on top of my piano. I plan on teaching Jessie about the Ancestors this time round, because I have seen that she is ready. It's a difficult line to walk, this teaching children Druidry business. She takes everything I say verbatim without question. I find I am constantly asking her, "well, what do you think about that?" to promote her thinking for herself. That's almost funny to say, and those of you who know my little sprite will agree, because she is such a stubborn and strong-willed child. I think she just loves and trusts her mom. :) Kindred help me to deserve that!