Thursday, June 12, 2008

First Oath

Today was not a good day for ritual, apparently.

I did a rite today to take my First Oath. I sang "Awen" in the shower. I set up my shrine with well (bowl of water), fire (three candles) and tree (my wand) represented.

I attempted to open the gates using Hermes as a gatekeeper, since Persephone is my Patron. I didn't feel anything, but I don't know if you have to feel it to have to gates open (?). I called to the kindred, lit the flames and greeted the Earth Mother. I offered silver to the well and lit some incense. I read the Oath, and took omens.

Offering not accepted.

Hmm. I asked what I needed to do next. I was told that I am in too much of a hurry.

So, I meditated for a while, trying desperately to clear my mind. Eventually, I was told to read the Oath I wrote myself. So I did.

Offering Accepted? Yes. Barely.
Further needs of me? I am trying to learn too much too fast. I am not retaining, and I am missing things because of my swiftness. I must learn to slow down and realize that I have started the journey of a lifetime. It will take a lifetime (or more) to complete. I cannot finish my work in a few months. Also, just because I have less experience does not mean that the things I have to say mean less. The Oath I wrote was the one They wanted to hear because it was written by me. Oaths are personal. If I believe what I wrote, then it is good enough for them. The words don't matter. They just want me to mean them.

Additional information for me? Pay more attention to the god/esses in front of me and stop spending so much time with my books. I did remember to thank the Kindred properly and close the gates!I realize that I have thrown myself into the Dedicant Path with all that I have, but I have thrown myself at the work, and not at the God/esses. Without them, this is all futile. I am frustrated by the amount of things I do not understand. I want so badly to be ahead of where I am, but I cannot mislay the foundation or it will all crumble...again.I have learned today that holding a ritual by yourself in ADF format is harder than it looks.

I have learned that sometimes what is wanted of me is my time.Most importantly, I have learned that the God/esses have patience and will allow me to try again.Wish me luck, when I muster up the courage to do this again!

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