On December 14, 3CG performed the Yule Blessing Rite in full Nordic Fashion. Seamus and Tanrinia were our DICs, and the DotOs were Frigga and Odin.
I was called upon to do the Inspiration as our assigned Crane didn't show up. It was very rough. I learned that when one invokes Inspiration and feels an urge to sing, singing should ensue immediately. My words were not there, but my intent was true. To those who were not involved in the rite, I almost looked like I knew what I was doing.
We opened the Nine gates in Nordic Fashion. It was very beautifully done! I was inspired by the words our Gate-tender spoke, and I will most likely use them in solitary fashion in the future.
We did a blot during which much praise and honor was given to a myriad of the Kindred. There were some very meaningful and deeply moving speeches made over the horn!
Our omens were good, including Ingwaz, Perthro and Raidho. Raidho has been showing up quite frequently in our omens lately. Hmm....
I was in charge of Return Flow. It was awful for me! MJD told me that the only reason he knew things weren't going as planned was because we were sitting together before hand and he could see the signs of anxiety that he himself deals with before a rite. All in all, I again, managed to look like I knew what I was doing. I did nail the German words. :)
We then had a feast, in order to share our meal and merriment with the Kindred. It was a very nice touch to bless the hall and include the Kindred in our feast. I hope that this becomes a habit at Yuletide.
After our meal, we passed the horn to anyone else wanting to speak. It was an evening full of laughter and much grateful spirit. After we closed the gates, we finished tallying up our donations. The Grove issued a challenge: if we could raise $200 to go toward the purchase of baby formula for the shelters, the Grove would match it by half. Needless to say, the Cranes are donating $300 worth of formula for the cause. There were also several food items and toys going to the food bank and toy drive.
It was a great rite, and I learned a lot. I was called on to begin and lead all of the songs. As an aspiring Bard, I think this is very helpful, not to mention how moving it is to be entrusted with the music for the rites! I am glad that they have found me worthy to hold such an important role (read: important to me).
For the future, I must learn to operate in spiritual mode in public. Six years as a solitary have taken their toll on my tolerance for public speaking. I can sing in front of almost any crowd, but put me in front of a bunch of Druids and I freeze. Is it because I hold their opinion in such high esteem? Is it because I am unsure of my abilities? Is it because I feel inferior when compared to the other neopagan greats I have had the privilege of being in contact with? Who knows? I do know that I will be asking to perform more and more in our public rites. Maybe someday I can even be DIC! I am not ready now, but someday I will be, and I am confident that the Cranes will be supportive enough to lift me until I can fly on my own.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Drawing Down the Blessing.
At a recent Dedicant Meeting, we were reviewing our Samhain Rite. I played a guitar piece as stated in an earlier blog for the Return Flow portion of the rite. Several of us found that the music played while the water was passed amongst the participants helped to keep us focus on the rite and have a more meaningful experience. I have had problems experiencing the return flow with any sense of power when I am not at my home shrine, and I stated as much to them. After some brief discussions about why this might be, Seamus and MJD decided that I was to be in charge of the Return Flow portion of the Yule Rite this year. This way, I can do a comparison between the two and better analyze what might be blocking the flow of power for me.
I have been considering this task with great reverence. The Return Flow is one of the most powerful parts of ritual in my devotionals. I feel that trying to create that same sense of power in a public rite that I create at my shrine is a great responsibility. After no small amount of deep thought, it finally hit me why this is such an important item for me: Drawing Down the Moon.
I was a Wiccan for six years before I found Druidry, and as such I learned a thing or two about drawing the powers down upon yourself. I realized that when I do a Return Flow, I take the omen, the gift they give in return, and I focus my very being into placing that firmly into my cup that I may receive it. It was promised to me, and my offerings to them were accepted, so they have an obligation to pour forth that blessing, and my job is to harness and focus that blessing into a form that can be shared among the Kin.
Now that I know why this is such a big deal, I am hoping that my writing will come more easily. The version I do at home is somewhat Hellenic, but my Grove is doing a Nordic Yule with Odin as DotO. A little tweaking is definitely in order!
Wish me luck, and any suggestions would be helpful! It would be much easier if I could just do it with my guitar...
I have been considering this task with great reverence. The Return Flow is one of the most powerful parts of ritual in my devotionals. I feel that trying to create that same sense of power in a public rite that I create at my shrine is a great responsibility. After no small amount of deep thought, it finally hit me why this is such an important item for me: Drawing Down the Moon.
I was a Wiccan for six years before I found Druidry, and as such I learned a thing or two about drawing the powers down upon yourself. I realized that when I do a Return Flow, I take the omen, the gift they give in return, and I focus my very being into placing that firmly into my cup that I may receive it. It was promised to me, and my offerings to them were accepted, so they have an obligation to pour forth that blessing, and my job is to harness and focus that blessing into a form that can be shared among the Kin.
Now that I know why this is such a big deal, I am hoping that my writing will come more easily. The version I do at home is somewhat Hellenic, but my Grove is doing a Nordic Yule with Odin as DotO. A little tweaking is definitely in order!
Wish me luck, and any suggestions would be helpful! It would be much easier if I could just do it with my guitar...
Monday, November 3, 2008
Samhain: In Honor of the Ancestors
At Samhain, we celebrate our Honored Dead and the God Cernunnos, Horned God, Keeper of the Ways. Samhain is the biggest grove rite of the year for Three Cranes, in terms of participant numbers, and this year was no exception.
Before the rite, we lit a circle of luminaries for light. Skarlett walked around the circle with incense, and I circled while playing my guitar to help clear the space. It was very centering. We processed in, offered to the Outdwellers, and entered our ritual space. AB said some beautiful words for divine inspiration, and AD did a deep breathing for grove attunement that was very grounding.
Our DIC was SB this year. He called on Cernunnos to assist us in opening the gates. After the greeting and offerings to the Kindred, we each tied a ribbon to a wreath with a few words for an ancestor. Seamus did an offering to the fallen dead, those who served, that was very moving. The Ancestors are still difficult for me to see as individuals. As a collective whole, I honor and offer to them with no problems, but when they are individualized, I am overwhelmed by emotion that I am only slowly learning to control. We offered the wreath to the fire and sang a chant as it burned.
Our omens were good: Perthro, Nauthiz and Berkano, Luck, Necessity, and Fertility. We are reminded during this time of year when all of nature is put to sleep to be mindful of our needs and remain fertile. The Kindred will be sure that our needs are met as long as we take the chance and trust in them. Our endeavors are necessary for internal growth. These are good omens.
During the return flow, while the cups of water were passed out, I performed Ian Corrigan’s repaganization of “Poor Wayfaring Stranger.” It helped to keep us focused on the rite and maintain the liminal state of mind. Several were moved to tears by the words of this piece. This is my first performance as a Bard, and I am humbled that my music was able to connect with the other participants. I have always known I was called to music, but after today’s rite, I think I might actually be able to realize this goal. I am sure it will be an uphill battle, as most journeys are, but the first taste of success has given me inspiration and motivation for moving forward as an ADF Bard. I am grateful to the Grove members for allowing me to perform this service and to the Kindred for providing me with the gifts that make it possible.
Troy of Athens took his Dedicant Oath. It was wonderful. His words and obvious dedication to Freyja moved me.
The rite ended well, and the potluck was terrific! We had a good variety of food and drink including several crock pots and hot mulled cider. Yum!
Samhain is about the Ancestors, and remembering them keeps them alive. Through us they are not forgotten, but live on. Hail, Ancestors!
Before the rite, we lit a circle of luminaries for light. Skarlett walked around the circle with incense, and I circled while playing my guitar to help clear the space. It was very centering. We processed in, offered to the Outdwellers, and entered our ritual space. AB said some beautiful words for divine inspiration, and AD did a deep breathing for grove attunement that was very grounding.
Our DIC was SB this year. He called on Cernunnos to assist us in opening the gates. After the greeting and offerings to the Kindred, we each tied a ribbon to a wreath with a few words for an ancestor. Seamus did an offering to the fallen dead, those who served, that was very moving. The Ancestors are still difficult for me to see as individuals. As a collective whole, I honor and offer to them with no problems, but when they are individualized, I am overwhelmed by emotion that I am only slowly learning to control. We offered the wreath to the fire and sang a chant as it burned.
Our omens were good: Perthro, Nauthiz and Berkano, Luck, Necessity, and Fertility. We are reminded during this time of year when all of nature is put to sleep to be mindful of our needs and remain fertile. The Kindred will be sure that our needs are met as long as we take the chance and trust in them. Our endeavors are necessary for internal growth. These are good omens.
During the return flow, while the cups of water were passed out, I performed Ian Corrigan’s repaganization of “Poor Wayfaring Stranger.” It helped to keep us focused on the rite and maintain the liminal state of mind. Several were moved to tears by the words of this piece. This is my first performance as a Bard, and I am humbled that my music was able to connect with the other participants. I have always known I was called to music, but after today’s rite, I think I might actually be able to realize this goal. I am sure it will be an uphill battle, as most journeys are, but the first taste of success has given me inspiration and motivation for moving forward as an ADF Bard. I am grateful to the Grove members for allowing me to perform this service and to the Kindred for providing me with the gifts that make it possible.
Troy of Athens took his Dedicant Oath. It was wonderful. His words and obvious dedication to Freyja moved me.
The rite ended well, and the potluck was terrific! We had a good variety of food and drink including several crock pots and hot mulled cider. Yum!
Samhain is about the Ancestors, and remembering them keeps them alive. Through us they are not forgotten, but live on. Hail, Ancestors!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Words to a song I wrote today.
In the midst of a crisis of faith, prayer is often the first to go, but this is exactly when you need to pray the most.
When I find myself alone again, and the world has got me down,
And no one cares about the hurts and heartaches that I’ve found.
I hear the call to enter into the realm my soul calls home,
To the place where all the gods and goddesses are free to roam.
I come before the Kindred with my brokenness and strife,
I pour my heart and soul into the story of my life.
I tell them all about the things I’ve done or I’ve ignored,
And sacrifice the gifts I bring in thanks, in praise, in joy.
And when I’ve finally laid myself to rest with tears upon my shrine,
I sit here where silence abounds,
And then Awen rains down.
Awen
Awen
Awen
Awen
When you’re feeling lonely, overworked or overjoyed.
The Kindred are awaiting you with knowledge to employ.
We are called to come into their presence and meet them in our hearts,
Offer up ourselves for all the gifts that they impart.
So when the whole world goes against you, and you feel laid to waste,
Meet your patrons, ancestors, and noble guides with haste.
Go to them, commune a while, and revel in their glow.
The most important gift they give is to know you’re not alone.
And after you've exchanged the gifts for gifts as we are called,
Take heart that all will soon circle ‘round
And then Awen rains down.
Awen
Awen
Awen
Awen
When I find myself alone again, and the world has got me down,
And no one cares about the hurts and heartaches that I’ve found.
I hear the call to enter into the realm my soul calls home,
To the place where all the gods and goddesses are free to roam.
I come before the Kindred with my brokenness and strife,
I pour my heart and soul into the story of my life.
I tell them all about the things I’ve done or I’ve ignored,
And sacrifice the gifts I bring in thanks, in praise, in joy.
And when I’ve finally laid myself to rest with tears upon my shrine,
I sit here where silence abounds,
And then Awen rains down.
Awen
Awen
Awen
Awen
When you’re feeling lonely, overworked or overjoyed.
The Kindred are awaiting you with knowledge to employ.
We are called to come into their presence and meet them in our hearts,
Offer up ourselves for all the gifts that they impart.
So when the whole world goes against you, and you feel laid to waste,
Meet your patrons, ancestors, and noble guides with haste.
Go to them, commune a while, and revel in their glow.
The most important gift they give is to know you’re not alone.
And after you've exchanged the gifts for gifts as we are called,
Take heart that all will soon circle ‘round
And then Awen rains down.
Awen
Awen
Awen
Awen
Monday, October 27, 2008
Putting yourself out there.
I have been a musician for most of my life. Correction, publicly I have been a cover musician for most of my life. I have written a few pieces, but very rarely have I shared them with others. I tend to pour myself into these pieces, and I have difficulties with pride (mostly) when it comes to sharing. So I don't. I don't play original music or post lyrics or poems. I find it easier to never share them than to be met with criticism. There are many psychological reasons for this, but mostly, I would rather not share at all then have someone tell me that what I created, what I gave life to, is bad.
Recently, I wrote a song, and I posted it. And only one person replied, who loved it. I still reread some of the words he said about my song as inspiration to share more of my work. Well, today I finally figured out how to make a recording, and I posted that, too, and either no one has bothered to listen to it, or no one likes it, or it is too mediocre to receive comment. Or any number of things that are going through my head right now. So someone, anyone on the Bards list, please listen to my song. It doesn't matter if you like it, just let me know you cared enough to listen.
I have learned today that silence is the worst criticism I can receive, because it opens me up to criticize myself...
Recently, I wrote a song, and I posted it. And only one person replied, who loved it. I still reread some of the words he said about my song as inspiration to share more of my work. Well, today I finally figured out how to make a recording, and I posted that, too, and either no one has bothered to listen to it, or no one likes it, or it is too mediocre to receive comment. Or any number of things that are going through my head right now. So someone, anyone on the Bards list, please listen to my song. It doesn't matter if you like it, just let me know you cared enough to listen.
I have learned today that silence is the worst criticism I can receive, because it opens me up to criticize myself...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
On Spiritual Growth.
In a lot of ways, I still see myself as a budding young pagan, struggling to find her way through the trees. Then, I have an epiphany that reminds me how far I have truly come.
Something funny happened to me today during my devotional: I understood what the gods were telling me when I pulled my runes. I looked at them together, and I got it. I mean, I understood what they were saying AND what I am to do about it. This is a big deal for me, as I have had many troubles with interpretation over the past several months.
This weekend, I went though my divination journal and re-evaluated all of my omens for the past three months. On the suggestion of a friend, I took my three omens for each day and created a sentence (or two) that encompassed what the Kindred were saying to me. Unfortunately, hindsight showed me just how much of their words went unheeded on my part. There is one day in particular that clearly says: speak to the ancestors, which I, of course, did not.
I did not have to look up the runes I drew today, and of this I am very proud, for today I stopped drawing runes, and I started taking omens...
Something funny happened to me today during my devotional: I understood what the gods were telling me when I pulled my runes. I looked at them together, and I got it. I mean, I understood what they were saying AND what I am to do about it. This is a big deal for me, as I have had many troubles with interpretation over the past several months.
This weekend, I went though my divination journal and re-evaluated all of my omens for the past three months. On the suggestion of a friend, I took my three omens for each day and created a sentence (or two) that encompassed what the Kindred were saying to me. Unfortunately, hindsight showed me just how much of their words went unheeded on my part. There is one day in particular that clearly says: speak to the ancestors, which I, of course, did not.
I did not have to look up the runes I drew today, and of this I am very proud, for today I stopped drawing runes, and I started taking omens...
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Does Polyamory make it difficult to make friends?
This is a question I have been trying to answer for several months now. After several failed attempts at friendship, I have determined the answer is, "yes."
I have always been blunt about who I am, what I believe, and what my intentions are with the people in my life. Recently, I have been trying to make friends with some people I met with similar beliefs, etc. Some of them are local, some of them are not, but it is proving quite difficult to become friends with other polys. I thought it would be nice to have people in my life with whom I can discuss the stresses and issues and emotions that are specific to the polyamorous lifestyle--people who would understand.
What do I think is the potential cause? Perhaps many of them do not have pure intentions when they make new friends, so find it hard to believe when I state as much--particularly since I am only currently involved in one relationship. Do all polys think I am looking for something more? Possibly. I typically do not have a hard time making friends, but it seems that when I meet another poly, the friendship never really develops. My life partner said that maybe I am so attractive that it is too distracting to be my friend. This is why he's my life partner. :)
Perhaps I come on too strong for them. I know that many of the polys I have met have a tendency toward mysterious that I do not share. Or maybe they just don't have time for new people in their lives, since they are in so many relationships in addition to the typical requirements of life as an adult.
How does it make me feel? Well, since polyamory implies that there is always the possibility that a relationship can evolve into more than a friendship over time, I fear that I am not attractive enough to entertain the possibility of a potential relationship in the future. I.E. if they are not attracted to me now or have no intentions of pursuing me romantically in the future, then there is no point in a friendship. I think this point of view makes me the most sad of all. A lot of really good friendships are being thrown away, or worse never started at all, because of sexual attraction. I think I am going to stop telling people about my orientation for a while and see what happens. I fear it will be hard to keep quiet since one of the first things that polys do is ask you if you are polyamorous, and I refuse to lie.
Whatever the cause, I am fortunate enough to have many friends who love me (not in that way) for who I am, and I plan on being friends with them for many, many years to come. Who needs new friends anyway?
I do... :(
I have always been blunt about who I am, what I believe, and what my intentions are with the people in my life. Recently, I have been trying to make friends with some people I met with similar beliefs, etc. Some of them are local, some of them are not, but it is proving quite difficult to become friends with other polys. I thought it would be nice to have people in my life with whom I can discuss the stresses and issues and emotions that are specific to the polyamorous lifestyle--people who would understand.
What do I think is the potential cause? Perhaps many of them do not have pure intentions when they make new friends, so find it hard to believe when I state as much--particularly since I am only currently involved in one relationship. Do all polys think I am looking for something more? Possibly. I typically do not have a hard time making friends, but it seems that when I meet another poly, the friendship never really develops. My life partner said that maybe I am so attractive that it is too distracting to be my friend. This is why he's my life partner. :)
Perhaps I come on too strong for them. I know that many of the polys I have met have a tendency toward mysterious that I do not share. Or maybe they just don't have time for new people in their lives, since they are in so many relationships in addition to the typical requirements of life as an adult.
How does it make me feel? Well, since polyamory implies that there is always the possibility that a relationship can evolve into more than a friendship over time, I fear that I am not attractive enough to entertain the possibility of a potential relationship in the future. I.E. if they are not attracted to me now or have no intentions of pursuing me romantically in the future, then there is no point in a friendship. I think this point of view makes me the most sad of all. A lot of really good friendships are being thrown away, or worse never started at all, because of sexual attraction. I think I am going to stop telling people about my orientation for a while and see what happens. I fear it will be hard to keep quiet since one of the first things that polys do is ask you if you are polyamorous, and I refuse to lie.
Whatever the cause, I am fortunate enough to have many friends who love me (not in that way) for who I am, and I plan on being friends with them for many, many years to come. Who needs new friends anyway?
I do... :(
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